Image Source: Getty / Bruce Glikas

Nick Cannon is grieving his late son one year after his death. Zen Scott Cannon, his first child with model Alyssa Scott, died at 5 months old after he was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of brain cancer. On Dec. 5, the soon-to-be father of 12 honored his son on the one-year anniversary of his death on Instagram. “Physically I’m definitely on the mend but Mentally and Spiritually I’m broken,” wrote Cannon, who was recently hospitalized with pneumonia.

“I can’t believe it’s been a year already since the toughest day of my life occurred,” he continued. “Such a painful anniversary. Losing a child has to be the heaviest, most dark and depressive experiences that I will never get over. A mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow is what I suppress daily.”

He went on to explain that while he was “far from perfect” and often makes “decisions in my life that many question,” he has a big heart and wishes his son could’ve experienced more of his love. “I love hard, I love big and I love with my entire Heart and Soul and I just wish my Little Man could’ve felt more of that love while he was here on Earth,” he said. “One of my Spiritual Leaders recently told me that I am in the midst of one of the most challenging seasons of my life, but encouraged me to be steadfast and know that all of this will only make me stronger, and to not lean on my own understanding but to rely on the the peace that surpasses all.”

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