Marriage: how does it change your sex life?
That’s the question we are out to answer this week, as we hear from George*, 26, a straight man who married the love of his life, Beth, last summer.
In How I Do It, our sex and love diary, the newlywed reveals that he isn’t all that bothered about having frequent sex (they do it once a week, or less).
That doesn’t stop the couple from having other kinds of fun, like partying or playing video games – but how does the lack of bedroom activities affect their relationship?
Does a couple need regular sex to be happy? Let’s find out.
My wife Beth and I are one of those married couples who usually have sex about once a week.
When we were first dating, we were long-distance – and it stayed that way for about two years. We’d see each other every six weeks, so when we eventually got to spend time together we could have sex three or four times a day. It was electric.
This week though, we’re not on ‘staycation’ or in a fancy hotel, my footie team probably won’t win, it’s not our anniversary or my wife’s birthday – so it’s more Channel 4 pre-9pm than Pornhub.
In other words: no sex.
Mario Kart 8 arrived for the Nintendo Switch, so f*** sex.
It’s safe to say that marriage has changed us – I get that. In the past, we used to send each other dirty messages, pictures and videos and I’d usually wank (even at work) over them mid-week.
Now, I’d rather sit in my pants with my wife and play Mario Kart with snacks for hours on end, then collapse into bed after I’ve royally whooped her ass on the Switch.
She’s my best friend, I couldn’t imagine being this comfortable and happy with anyone else.
Though it sounds mind-numbingly boring, my night was perfect.
‘Want to have sex tonight?’ Beth asks. Hmmm. ‘Sorry baby, I’m too tired,’ I reply.
After working all day, and being in lockdown, tiredness plays a big part in not wanting to have sex for me.
My wife smiled and kissed me, said she was too, and we made a banging dinner and played Mario Kart in our pants. Again.
I used to feel guilty about saying no to my wife. She had a very high sex drive when we got together and it’s only changed to my level since we’ve gotten married.
In fact, the biggest (and only) argument we’ve ever had was when my wife said we were ‘sexually incompatible’. It was a buzz-phrase she’d read in a bullshit article in a magazine.
We were screaming at each other in the street (it was after a boozy day of drinking, to be fair) and we were both in tears afterwards as we realised how ridiculous it was to be fighting.
Sex is important, but it’s not everything.
We went climbing together during the morning, and once I’d reached the top of a wall successfully, I got a high-five from my wife.
Then we took turns buying coffee. It was my turn – and I decided I didn’t want one, which annoyed her. I always laugh at her irritated pout and narrowed eyes.
I love spending time together with her like this. She really is my best friend, and I guess this is our equivalent of dating.
We push each other to be our best selves and it’s so rewarding to see a grinning face after a challenge that you’ve conquered. It is so, so exhilarating.
I know, it’s our first year of marriage and we sound boring, but I really couldn’t give a f***. This works for us. It makes us stronger, and closer.
Plus I get to see her ass at the top of a wall in sports leggings, and it’s all mine.
The closest thing we got to an orgasm today was the pizza we had.
My wife went to bed first (stoned) while I stayed up and had a deep and meaningful chat with a friend who was staying over.
Beth always leaves the bedside light on for me when I eventually come to bed, which I find really sweet.
I can’t help staring at her – her wild hair splayed out on the pillows (usually it’s mine, I find that shit everywhere).
We had friends over for dinner, drinks and a boujee (Covid-approved, thank you!) evening. Then we racked up the lines of cocaine and MDMA. We are in our twenties, after all.
‘You guys are the best couple – ever. You are so natural around each other. Like you’re best friends, with all the benefits,’ one friend said, buzzing.
We’ve heard it before, and it’s true.
We don’t always sit next to each other at parties, we don’t cling to each other like life depends on it, there’s not a soppy amount of baby names and PDA – we just do us, and it shows. It’s what I love about our marriage.
We partied the night away, dancing with our best friends until 11am. I’d catch her smiling at me, coyly, while she jived away in the corner and I smiled back – as if we’re teenagers, courting across the classroom. God I love her.
‘When was even the last time we had sex?’ my wife asked me today. Well, it’s 7pm. We’ve just gotten up.
After a few moments of trying to work it out in our heads, we laughed.
We’d spent all day (I mean all day) in bed nursing our hangover/comedown, both snuggled in our pyjamas, taking turns to be the little spoon.
Usually we’ll have Sunday morning hangover sex, but today was about appreciating sharing a bed with another person who cherishes your life together.
Honestly, sex isn’t everything to me – it’s important, – but finding your soulmate, that’s what life is about.
*Names have been changed.
How I Do It
In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.
Fancy taking part yourself? Email [email protected] for more information.
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