DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with my younger sister’s fiancé – the first time I have ever bedded a man who wasn’t single – but have since found he makes a habit of this kind of thing.
He’s cheated on my sister at least seven times before me.
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My husband walked out on me just after Christmas last year. I’m 30. It was out of the blue and it knocked me for six.
It felt like the whole world had someone to love except me. I felt very lonely and desperately sad.
I was really touched when my sister’s fiancé called round to my flat unannounced. He’s 36.
He said he was worried about me and wanted to see how I was. He’d brought me some flowers and a bottle of wine.
I needed to talk and I opened the wine. He listened and comforted me. Then he kissed me and, somehow, we ended the night having sex in my bed. The next day I felt sick with guilt.
There’s one thing for sure, it won’t happen again.
Then last week I dropped by to visit an aunt. She’s my mum’s sister, but much younger than her and only 42. She’s always been a bit of a role model for me and is a lot of fun.
We got talking and she told me that, not long after her husband had died in a road accident two years ago, my sister’s partner had turned up to see her and brought her a bottle of wine.
My heart missed a beat when she admitted he’d ended up in her bed. Since then she’d heard that he’d cheated on my lovely sister at least seven times. I thought, ‘What a creep!’
My sister is 28 and so in love with this man that she’s staying with him, even though she would love to have children but knows that for medical reasons he can’t.
ONE in ten men believe they can’t last long enough in bed.
The average is between five and seven minutes, yet some complain they can last “only” 25 minutes.
If it is over after a minute or two, of course it’s a worry.
Email me for my e-leaflet Self-help For Premature Ejaculation. For a copy, email me or private message me on my Dear Deidre Facebook page.
I don’t know what to do. My heart says I should tell my sister everything so she can throw out this creep, but I’m desperately worried that it might come out that I slept with him, too.
I love my sister so much and I don’t want to destroy the relationship between us.
But she’s beautiful, clever and kind and could do much better than him — and perhaps have the children she desperately wants.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re right. What a creep. He’s got a nose for a vulnerable woman and finds his way in.
I get that you feel she deserves to know what he is like but I agree she perhaps shouldn’t hear it from you.
He may take his revenge and take you down with him. That would be a real double blow for your sister. She doesn’t deserve to be losing her sister as well as the love of her life.
Maybe she already knows what he’s like and is biding her time.
I’d say, keep your peace and be there for your sister to lean on whenever she needs some support.
It may seem that this sad situation will just go on and on but my feeling is it will change before long.
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