DEAR DEIDRE: THERE is absolutely no action in our bedroom but I know my wife still likes sex because she has a toy she uses when I’m at work.

We have four children and the youngest is eight months. My wife is 25 and I am 30. We were always at it when we first got together and we’ve never used contraception because we wanted kids.

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I love her, and tell her I do, but she says, “I know what you’re after – sex”. I’m lucky if I get it once a month. How can I win her round?

DEIDRE SAYS: It is hard work having four children. Is she scared of another pregnancy or just tired? A vibrator can be a short-cut.

Talk to her about whether it’s time to start using contraception or opting for something more permanent like a vasectomy.

Do your fair share of childcare and chores, and maybe brush up your sexual technique. My e-leaflet How To Light Her Fire explains.

NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I am a girl and my male flatmate my age is controlling – why is he like that?

READ DEIDRE'S PHOTO CASEBOOK Amanda knows her new landlord is a notorious womaniser

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