DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been having a passionate relationship with my boss and I truly believed I’d found the man of my dreams.
But he’s now ended it because he feels guilty for cheating on his wife and I am falling apart.
It is a cliché but at 34 I am old enough to know better. I am a dental nurse and fell for the new dentist when he started at my practice early this year. He’s 40.
We hit it off and began flirting at work, which led to us meeting after work a few times for drinks.
A month ago he booked us a room in a local hotel. We had a wonderful evening and it felt right when we had sex. It was everything I knew it would be.
Our affair wasn’t all about sex though, we spent hours talking and going for walks. I am married too. My husband is 37.
He’s a lovely guy but he’s not my soulmate and there has never been passion between us.
Last weekend my lover said we needed to meet and he tearfully ended our affair. He said he had to put his family first and would never leave them.
I am heartbroken. I can’t eat or sleep. I am still having to see him every day at work. I cannot even hate him for playing with me as I do not believe he did.
I have to forget this guy and move on but have no idea how to even begin.
Every time I see him I ache to be in his arms again.
He says he still has feelings for me too but he seems happy enough, he’s always smiling. I do not want to leave my job which I love but I go home every evening and cry. My husband is asking what is going on.
My lover will never be mine and I feel cheated out of the life I wanted with him.
I keep all communication at work professional but it is killing me inside.
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Email [email protected] or private message me on my Dear Deidre Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: He’s been able to move on and put your fling in the past and you can do the same.
Stop dreaming about what-ifs. Remind yourself he was willing to cheat on his wife and could just have easily done the same to you if you had become his partner.
If you feel cheated out of a life you wanted that’s as much about not being happy with the life you have as the imaginary one with this guy.
Put your energies into looking at your relationship with your husband. Can you put fresh energy into that so it’s more like your ideal? You must have felt confident when you got married. If it’s not going to make you happy then take some brave steps to free yourself to find your Mr Right in the future.
My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you move on.
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