DEAR DEIDRE: MY dad has been diagnosed with early-onset dementia and my mum has been seeing another man – even having him around the house.

My parents have been married for 28 years and did many fun things together.

 


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I am a guy of 26 and I have two younger brothers.

My mum is keeping her relationship with this guy a secret from my dad but I know he has worked out what is going on even though he gets confused about it sometimes.

Dad is 56 and my mum is 54. She told me she needs to be looked after instead of always looking after my dad.

She wants to be kissed and have sex with someone. She has moved my dad into the smallest bedroom and has been having her new guy staying over at the weekend.

My dad is heartbroken. I can see it in his face.

She’s asked my dad if he wants to go into a care home and I know it is because she will move in her new guy.

I’m devastated and I know dad is too. I am disgusted and want nothing to do with mum.

DEIDRE SAYS: Looking after a partner with dementia can be heart-breaking and we judge at our peril.

Your mum is desperate but moving her lover in while your dad still has awareness must be so distressing for him.

Talk to your mum rather than turning your back on her.

Do you and your brothers all do shifts looking after your dad to give her a break?

If she could regularly get out to see her own friends that could relieve some of the pressure.

Suggest she talks to the Admiral Nurses at Dementia UK for understanding support and hopefully organise respite care (dementiauk.org, 0800 888 6678).

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