DEAR DEIDRE: I AM with the love of my life and our relationship is non-stop passion, but I always have this gut feeling he’s not telling me the whole truth.

We met two years ago on a sales training course. He is 39, I am 32. We found we share the same sense of humour and never run out of things to talk about.


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He said he was married with boys aged ten and 12. My life was a wreck after my long-term relationship ended with my ex cheating. The only good thing to come from that relationship was my little boy, who is now eight.

This man got in touch three months later and said he had split up with his wife and had often thought about me.

We went on a date and it was like love at first sight for me. I agreed to start seeing him so long as he was being honest about leaving his wife. Our sex was very loving but he’d rarely stay over. He always had some excuse. He’d keep his phone out of sight and on silent.

Months went by and I still hadn’t met his children or his parents, though he had met mine. One day we were supposed to have lunch with them and I bought new outfits specially for me and my son, but he cancelled at the last minute.

I started questioning him about how his divorce was progressing. He kept saying it was going to be through in three months, but the months ticked by.

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Six months ago I found I was expecting his baby, not planned, but I was thrilled and he said he was pleased, too.

Then lockdown came and I discovered that he was still with his wife. The pain hit me like a ton of bricks.

I threatened to break with him and, after a lot of messing around, he really is getting divorced — I’ve seen the papers — and he moved in with me last month. He told me that his sons, teenagers now, were OK with it all but I kept wondering why I’d still never met them.

I suspected I would find the answers in his phone. There were horrible messages from the boys about how they wanted nothing to do with me, my son or the baby girl we are expecting.

I’m gutted about how they feel, but also that my partner never seems to tell me the whole truth.

DEIDRE SAYS: It could be he just hates to hurt anyone and hasn’t the insight to realise his deceptions end up hurting those he loves even more.

His sons have had the life they knew torn from them and no doubt have a distressed and angry mother.

Give them time to adjust and encourage your partner to see his sons as much as possible. They need to know their dad loves them.

My e-leaflet on Stepfamily Problems will help you through this and there’s a strong chance in time his sons will long to meet their baby sister.

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