“This is who I am, and whoever’s not on board can suck my d–,” X-Tina says in the powerful video.
Christina Aguilera told us years ago that we are beautiful … in every single way … but she’s only just now learning to see the beauty in herself.
A day after her new single "Accelerate" was released, Aguilera graced fans with a short film that gives insight into her life now, her struggles in the past, and what’s to come.
"I don’t know why we hurt ourselves to please someone else’s perception of self," Aguilera began the nearly 5-minute video, titled "Where’s Maria?." "I’m sorry to my own reflection, I’m sorry for putting you down. I’m sorry I struggle accepting the beauty that lies in myself."
"I feel in life when you get to a place where you feel so comfortable and so routine, then you know you have to stop and start from scratch," the singer explained. "I’ve always been sort of an old lady in a young body and as you get older there’s a comfort level with your imperfections and yourself that allows you to let go."
Of her personal evolution she added, "I am sensitive. I am emotional. I am vulnerable. I’m strong. I’m passionate, devoted, intuitive. I’m grounded. I’m me."
The Grammy winner explained that one of the most difficult things as a performer is learning to strip away the masks. "Being okay to strip back and being able to be vulnerable in a new way," she said, before taking off a wig and showing herself in a more natural state.
She then dove into her past, getting emotional as she talked about growing up in Staten Island, New York, her father joining the military when she was young and her mother quitting college to support the family.
"Maybe in a way what I’m doing is also for her because she gave up everything for him," the "Burlesque" star continued, speaking through tears. "I was very grounded at a very young age to know that I was never going to be weak to a man and that I didn’t want that fairy tale."
The most powerful scene in the short film showed Aguilera doing what she does best: singing her heart out. Standing in front of a red backdrop, the "Fighter" singer belted out an a cappella version of what we assume is a new song.
"How was I supposed to know / that it would cost my soul / nothing is free / I want to breathe / How am I supposed to face this lonely life I’ve created," the sang.
Aguilera also talked about her inspiration for new album and how she plans to be "vulnerable" and "fearless."
"The inspiration for the album? To me, the purest of reason is to get back to that little girl who just wants to be inspired again by truth and by that sense of passion for music and singing and just feeling free and alive again," the "Beautiful" singer said. "I’ve stepped so far away from that little girl, and if that means going away for a little while and figuring out who you are again and what you need to say, then that’s what you need to do."
"I’m sorry for covering your freckles, I’m sorry for hiding your scars, I’m sorry that I put you down," she whispered. "But I’m willing to let you be now. But I’m willing to let you free now…F-ck it, this is who I am, and whoever’s not on board can suck my d–k."
Aguilera’s new album "Liberation" is available June 15.
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