The 62nd annual Grammys were last night, and while it was generally an enjoyable thing to watch (Billie Eilish! Demi Lovato! Aerosmith being old!), one thing is certain—it was too damn long. The ceremony started at 8 p.m. EST, and didn’t end until nearly midnight. Granted, it was supposed to end at 11, but this show literally always runs over, like your friend who texts you that she’s on her way when she’s about to hop in the shower. We, as a society, are too tired for this. This is my official petition: Start the Grammys at 3 p.m. EST.
First things first, when an award show that is supposed to be three hours stretches into the four-hour territory, you’re in major trouble. The Grammys give out the most important awards at the end, so if things were supposed to wrap up at 11 and suddenly people are seeing commercials that there are four more performances and four more awards left to go, you can understand why they’d be annoyed.
Then, by the time the biggest and best awards of the night are presented 40 whole minutes later, people (read: me) are downright irritated. From an audience satisfaction standpoint, that is not good! Even though the late night aspect is a problem that’s specific to people on the eastern half of the country, the “going way over the allotted time” thing is universally annoying. If you moved the show back a few hours, less people would want to dip out before the big stuff, because it’d be earlier in the night. Like, if it’s 7 p.m. and the show is going over the time, I’m less annoyed because there’s still part of the day left to enjoy, you know?
There are so many reasons to make this an earlier event, so that’s an easy sell IMO, but you might be thinking, “Okay, so why 3 p.m. EST? That’s insanely early.” Hear me out. What if we could make the Grammys a day drinking activity? If it started at 3 p.m. EST, that’s 12 p.m. PST, which is still perfect timing for brunch. Those of us on the East Coast could be sipping our White Claws while watching Lizzo flute it up, and y’all on the West Coast could be drinking your mimosas, and everyone in the middle of the country could be doing some variation on those two options. Hell, they could do both!
Being drunk would definitely make the show go by quicker, and it would also help you laugh through the more awkward moments, like when someone takes the stage to give a lifetime achievement award to someone you’ve never heard of, or when there is a very long musical number complete with a chorus and ballet dancers. The show would wrap at like 3 p.m. PST or 6 p.m. EST, leaving plenty of time left in your Sunday to enjoy being drunk.
One downside to my proposed plan is that it would require celebs to get up ridiculously early to get ready for the red carpet, but to that I say… they’re famous. They can deal. And this plan would let them go to bed earlier, anyways. Plus, it would make the red carpet feel like an extreme sport. Who can stay up the longest? Who can hide the bags under their eyes the best? Who can drink the most coffee and still not be shaking while talking to reporters? That’s the drama I need!
Look, Recording Academy. We like your show, we really do. But if we’re gonna keep tuning in year after year, some changes need to be made, and timing is definitely one of them. Thanks for reading.
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