An excerpt of Avicii’s diaries has revealed the famed producer’s struggles with addiction and mental health before his 2018 suicide aged 28.
The DJ, real name Tim Bergling, took his own life during a holiday in Oman three years ago, after he suffered with alcohol and drug addiction following his ascent to fame.
Now, his diaries have been reproduced in Måns Mosesson’s upcoming book, Tim – The Official Biography of Avicii, due for release next month, and they share a heartbreaking insight into the star producer’s health issues, including being rushed to hospital in January 2012 after developing pancreatitis caused by excessive drinking and acne medication.
In putting together the book, Mosesson spoke to Bergling’s parents, Anki and Klas, as well as other family, friends, former girlfriends, peers and industry colleagues of the star to piece together his life story.
In it, it details how Avicii was warned that another drink would kill him and he turned to his diaries to share his feelings, including his relief at ending up in hospital.
He wrote, according to The Daily Beast: ‘I had a hard time accepting never drinking again though strongly suggested from all doctors to wait at least a year before even having a beer…
‘Of course, I didn’t listen to the majority of the doctors, I listened to the couple who said it was ok if I was careful. I was ignorant and naive and touring the world, still on the never-ending tour – because once you’ve circled it once, guess what? You start right back over again.
‘Those days in hospital were the most anxiety and stress-free days I can remember the past 6 years, those were my true vacations, as depressing as it might sound…
‘The relief of going from extreme pain to none, knowing that no one is expecting anything other than for you to wait it out (which is the only way of treating pancreatitis) and then recover was huge. It was an extreme relief considering the insane schedule I had kept up until that point.’
He also shared his experiences at rehab in 2015 and implored his future self to deal with his pain, writing: ‘It needed to be explained to me very logically and caveman-esque for me to truly understand its nature and
how it was harming me. Ouch, pain. Why me pain now? Uncomfortable feeling…
‘Future Tim deal with pain. Future Tim deal with pain better thanpresent Tim because already there’s too many present pains more urgent to deal with.’
The book explains how Bergling took up meditation to combat his demons and quickly became obsessed with it, with messages sent to his father from concerned friends the day before his death claiming the producer ‘wasn’t speaking and was often crying’.
He wrote in his journal: ‘It feels like I am in a new default mode of being which is very new and a little bit scary. It felt like the fears the last couple of days caused havoc in me, but I remember the tip to focus on my breathing.’
Following Bergling’s death his parents created the Tim Bergling foundation, which focuses on supporting people and organisations in the field of mental illness and suicide prevention, while Sweden’s Ericsson Globe was officially renamed Avicii Arena in tribute to the producer.
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