Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop guide includes a 28k ‘boudoir chaise’


It’s the most wonderful time of the year… when celebrities post gift guides for amazing items completely outside our budgets! To kick us off is The GrandMaster Goop Giver: Gwyneth Paltrow and her Goop Gift Guide 2022. Don’t worry, there’s a whole tab for gifts under $100. On it, you can purchase things like a $48 Avocado Vase, or a $75 Luna Beaded Phone Wristlet, or $56 Lola Horoscope Briefs (underwear) offered only in sizes small and medium.

But if you are looking to dig a little deeper this season, Goop’s got you. How about a $420 Gucci GG bag? Not a purse, a dog poop bag holder. Yep, for four bills you can pull those plastic bags out of a genuine Gucci while cleaning your dog’s crap off a neighbor’s newly reseeded lawn. Fancy! If subtle is your style, how about a $99,950 Roy Lichtenstein nude woodcut? Or a vintage Ford Bronco? Hell, if you’re really stumped for how to flaunt your ridiculous wealth, Goop’s offering a 10oz gold bar and suggesting you use it as a paper weight.

But if you want to be original, nothing says Merry F**king Christmas like a $28,500 Boudoir Chaise.

Yes, a leather tufted sex chair with stirrups, straps and ottoman to put under the tree. OMG it’s gorgeous. I don’t have the funds or the space for a piece like this right now, but when I become an empty nester… In truth, I’ve always appreciated Gwyneth’s approach to sex and making it a part of the conversation. And after watching the Netflix’s How to Build a Sex Room series, Gwyneth is on the right side of this trend. I think we’ll see a rise in sex den furniture and accessories on gift guides. Of course, she’ll claim she invented the concept, but if I’ve saved up enough for her Cowgirl Sex Machine by then, I might just be in the mood to let her have the credit.

If you have a particular in-law you don’t care for on your list, how about sending them a $75 bag of sh*t. It’ll be from Goop, so they’ll know you care. And it’s good for the environment, so they’re the jerk if they complain. Do you have a man in your life? What about a $425 24-karat gold razor, because who needs practical when you can literally wash your money down the drain. Or a $36,600 Hermès Birkin Rock bag to… carry his lunch in?

And don’t forget the kiddos! How about a $690 Roller Enamel Necklace they can lose on the playground? Or a $550 Electric Longboard? Or an $80 Kid’s First Enamelware Bake Set?

Am I jealous? Oh hell yes. There are so many things that made me gasp, both in envy and price. There are a handful of dream getaways for things like New Zealand lodges or a safari or a tented camp in Costa Rica. And there are several donations you can gift for extraordinary causes that really would be meaningful and lovely gifts. So it sounds like I’m bagging on Goop but I’m just having fun. This guide is my first gift of the season, and it never disappoints.

Merry Goopness, y’all!

Thanks to Page Six [via Dlisted] for the story idea

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Photo credit Instagram, Goop and Cover Images

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