A new study has told me that I have shoddy cognitive ability because I enjoy celebrities.
Enjoy? Heck, it’s what pays my bills.
But still, haven’t I been put in my place. A little thicker than the norm simply because I have a proclivity for a little Chrishell Stause over Chris Whitty (is that who the smart people worship? I couldn’t possibly say).
While you’d think I’d have earned a little kudos for being able to rattle off all the Kardashian family names, plus their children, plus the fathers of the children, according to a new study, one of those that come around every so often to put people like me in my place, it was demonstrated that cognitive performance slightly decreases with higher levels of celebrity worship.
Firstly, to erase any doubt for those who love to peruse the hallowed halls of Metro.co.uk/entertainment, fear not: you’re not thick. You’re cultured. High brow, low brow, monobrow, who gives a sh*t. Well, clearly I do, otherwise I wouldn’t be getting so worked up about it, I suppose.
This latest study that’s clearly got me rattled and compensating by using words such as ‘compensating’ was authored by Lynn E. McCutcheon, Ágnes Zsila, and Zsolt Demetrovics and saw 1,763 Hungarian adults complete a 30-word vocabulary test and a digit symbol substitution test, which is a validated method of assessing fluid intelligence.
Researchers also gathered data on participants’ self-esteem, family income, material wealth, and level of education in order to ascertain just how much those celebrities have killed our brain cells.
Participants were asked to assess their feelings towards statements such as ‘I am obsessed by details of my favourite celebrity’s life’, and ‘If I were lucky enough to meet my favourite celebrity, and he/she asked me to do something illegal as a favour I would probably do it’ – look, a lot can be said for the power celebrities hold over us but I think that speaks more to capitalism than anything else. And I’m not about to start writing about capitalism. After all, I’m one of those celebrity fans… – while levels of celebrity worship were measured using a questionnaire known as a Celebrity Attitude Scale.
While other studies in the research found no association between worship and intelligence, that’s not what people will take from this, will they?
So yet again, the culture snobs with their half-moon specs are primed and ready to pounce. All those Love Island lovers who have a dinner party this weekend, you’ve been warned.
It’s how it goes, though, isn’t it? These sorts of studies pop up every now and then and, frankly, just give more ammunition to those who love to sneer at fans of ‘low brow’ culture and celebrities – from your Big Brothers to your Biebers – as if they’re being force-fed a diet of Rylan strapped to a chair with eye clamps attached to their lids a la A Clockwork Orange (there’s a ‘high brow’ Stanley Kubrick reference for any smarties reading).
Spoiler alert, I’ve found one can enjoy consuming all brows of the celebrity and cultural spectrum with little, if any, effect on one’s ability to split the bill without a calculator (something I don’t think I’d be able to achieve no matter how much Noam Chomsky I’ve attempted to consume). It’s remarkable, right?
I hate the whole ‘us and them’ the conversation around celebrities produces, study or no study, that argues if you worship Cardi B then you can’t possibly sit at the table with those who enjoy PMQs.
Huns, PMQs is the most dramatic and ridiculous half-hour of TV I’ve ever watched, which would give Towie a run for its money.
But, hey, wasn’t it only recently another study found those who enjoy trashy TV had a high level of intelligence?
So what is it, are we smart or dumb? When you figure it out, world, let me know – I’ll probably be poring over Katie Price’s YouTube, or something.
Branding us trash-lovers ‘cultural omnivores’, this previous study published in the journal Poetics suggested the majority of us actually appeared to be ‘well-educated and cultural’ consumers, which somewhat goes against the latest research.
Previous studies have found us cultural types, as I shall now refer to you all as, have a preference for what some may deem as ‘mindless’ offerings and found we watch ‘in terms of an ironic viewing stance’. Be that as it may, I argue even the most ironic of viewing can turn invested very fast.
It’s suggested, and I concur, we view such offerings as a ‘welcome deviation’ from the mainstream fare AKA boring and depressing.
The study found: ‘We are dealing here with an audience with above-average education […] viewers are interested in a broad spectrum of art and media across the traditional boundaries of high and popular culture.’
That’s the real thing, isn’t it?
Much like our diet, shouldn’t we be taking in a colourful selection of shows, films, music, books – the whole gamut? How about a pop culture pyramid, where you must take a dip into each layer in order to function properly as a productive human. Some may cry they’re reality TV-intolerant or break out into a rash whenever they hear a concerto, but we can create a pill for that, I’m sure.
Yes, I still need to spell-check ‘yacht’ and ‘unnecessary’ every now and then, but there’s great power in being able to fuel a whole conversation just in Simpsons quotes, and I bow down to those who care not for the karaoke teleprompter because they know all the lines to Ginuwine’s Pony.
Conversely, I maintain some who you’d assume would not have the foggiest idea who the GC is, nor have purchased Sugarbearhair vitamins after a hair extension-laden celebrity said they, like, totally worked on their barnet, are absolute dingbats.
So contrary to what the studies may suggest, I propose we put an end to this love of linking intelligence to pop culture obsessions and, for the love of Ant and Dec just let me watch the goddamn Sex and the City reboot without feeling like I’m stalling evolutionary progress.
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