Is Rebel Wilson a poo jogger? There is no other way to describe it, really.
What is a poo jogger, you ask? It’s a termed coined Down Under describing someone who is out for a jaunt – usually exercising – and cannot hold in a number two, so they decide, or they’re forced to, answer the call of nature in public. It’s not pretty. But it happens. And it happened to Rebel.
Strap yourselves in, this is one hell of a story.
The Bridesmaids star this week recalled a particularly pearl-clutching moment she was forced to drop a number two in someone’s front yard after she was caught short while out for a hike in Los Angeles. You could say this was her own Bridesmaids moment, echoing the fateful scene in which Maya Rudolph’s Lillian is caught by food poisoning and goes to the toilet, in a wedding dress, in the middle of a busy road.
Speaking on the Life Uncut podcast with Brittany Hockley and Laura Byrne this week, Rebel, 41, explained the backstory, which involved eating a whole pizza for lunch, and washing it down with a two-litre bottle of Pepsi. After it made her feel ‘more sad and depressed’ she decided to fix things by going for a walk to clear her mind.
She decided to go on one of her usual routes in LA’s Griffith Park, and explained: ‘Anyone who is an emotional eater or struggles with food might understand. I go on the hike, and it’s hiking uphill, and I was feeling very sluggish after eating, like, probably thousands of calories.
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‘I get this instant feeling. I’ve got to go to the toilet, I can’t make it the few streets back to my place…It hit me and it was all inside and it just had to come out.’
Not feeling able to knock on a stranger’s door and ask to use their loo – seeing as she had achieved Hollywood fame by then and we can read the ‘Rebel Wilson did a poo in my bathroom’ headlines now – she chose to scout a bush instead.
Rebel went on: ‘I’m feral. I’m just in leggings, like I don’t look nice, I don’t have any makeup on or whatever. I’d been in the movie Bridesmaids so I was kind of recognised, not a superstar or anything, but I was kind of recognisable.’
The star found a small bush in a house’s front lawn, not far from the road, but insisted it ‘didn’t provide much coverage’.
She said: ‘It had a nice front garden, it had nicely-mowed grass, and I’m like: “this is the one.” I could only make a radius of a few houses. But There was no coverage, no tree that I could go behind. If it was running down your leg, that would be bad.
‘I squat in this person’s front yard and then I’m just kind of frozen [thinking] what if somebody sees this…I often get papped there, going on the hike.’
Then a car pulls up at the house.
‘I’m like, they’re going to see me. If they get out of that car they’re going to see me,’ Rebel details. ‘My mind, I’m still squatting on their front lawn. It’s so disgusting, I can’t even, my mind goes, if they come and say something I’m just going to scream that “I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant”.
‘I don’t know why that was my thing. That was just what I was going to say, because you’ve got to say something.’
Luckily the person who pulled up was visiting the house next door, so, to Rebel, mischief managed: ‘So I just pulled up my pants and I left.’
She did finish her grisly tale with an apology, should the owners of the house be listening to the podcast.
‘If anyone is listening and owned a house in Los Feliz and was very confused by what had happened and now they understand, just know I’m very, very sorry and it won’t happen again,’ she said. ‘I hope those nutrients went into the ground.’
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