Why is Australia gate-crashing Eurovision again? Has everyone involved conveniently forgotten that in matters of credibility, Eurovision is about two notches below I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here? Outside of ABBA, Lulu and Celine Dion – and with all due respect to the Brotherhood of Man, Bucks Fizz, a bearded lady named Conchita and some Nordic metal band dressed as vikings – how many past winners have gone on to storied careers?
Sheldon Riley will fly the flag for Australia at the Eurovision Song Contest in Turin, Italy.Credit:
Cringeworthy, thy name is Eurovision. And yet, bizarrely, Australia’s Sheldon Riley – a competitor on recent local versions of The X Factor and The Voice – will soon be slugging it out with the best from Belarus, the cream of Croatia and the wonders of Wales. Whose kooky idea was this?
Is there a trade-off, I wonder? Could it be that as payback for our involvement in Eurovision, we must allow a random overseas act – let’s say Azerbaijan’s leading rock band – to compete in the ARIAs? We might end up with a Best Artist award that features Tame Impala up against The Kid Laroi versus Hilltop Hoods – and some bloke who might be related to Borat.
Colour me nostalgic but there was a golden age when Australian acts set out in quest of international stardom via the old-fashioned route: playing night after night, honing their craft, building an audience, getting a deal and making great records. Was the globe-conquering success of such artists as Helen Reddy and the Bee Gees and INXS and Silverchair all for nought?
The betting market gives Sheldon Riley a 3 per cent shot at winning Eurovision.Credit:Getty Images
Nowadays, is the desire for a shortcut to success so overpowering that young Australian acts decide to strike out for Eurovision glory rather than scale the Everest that is the American music market? I suspect that topping the Billboard charts would be a hell of a lot more satisfying than revelling in Eurovision glory, and yet here we are again, set for further Euro-humiliation.
There’s the inescapable reality that an Australian act will never win Eurovision, given it’s heavily biased – sorry, weighted – voting system. The idea of some kind of pro-Aussie bloc forming deep in Europe during the big vote is about as likely as Paul Keating reforming the Ramrods and steering them to international glory. It’s not going to happen.
Oh, and just so you know, the good money is on Ukraine’s Kalush Orchestra, who are red-hot favourites to triumph in Turin on May 14. Sheldon Riley is, according to the current market, a 3 per cent chance of winning. Those odds seem pretty generous to me.
Jeff Apter’s next book is a biography of Keith Urban, due out later this month. He won’t be watching Eurovision 2022.
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