‘We scare each other’: Inside the volcanic relationship of Naomi and Wynonna Judd – How country legend matriarch hid real father from daughter, battled eating disorder and cut daughters out of $25 million before banning ‘Wy’ from funeral
- Naomi and Wynonna Judd had a tumultuous relationship throughout their lives
- Both went through periods of intense closeness followed by estrangement
- Naomi hid the identity of Wynonna’s father until she was 30 years old
- The mother and daughter both said they were so close to each other they would need to spend time apart for their own well-being and mental health
Though The Judds sang in perfect harmony onstage, when the lights went down the mother-daughter duo had a relationship fraught with family secrets, mental illness, and conflict that persisted from the day it began past the day it ended.
Trouble between Naomi and Wynonna Judd began before Wynonna was ever born, when her father left her mother upon learning she was pregnant. From there they lived in the depths of poverty until eventually reaching the heights of fame on the country music scene.
Along the way they dealt with traumas from their past – ranging from sexual assaults to eating disorders – and developed a relationship Naomi said was so close they would ‘scare each other because we can go so deep.’
It was so intense they would often go through periods of conflict and estrangement, which persisted until Naomi committed suicide last April and left a note saying ‘Do not let Wy come to my funeral. She’s mentally ill.’ Naomi also wrote both her daughters out of her $25million will before her death.
Wynonna Judd playing guitar as a young girl with her mother Naomi
Naomi (left) and Wynonna (right) play onstage in 1988
Naomi Judd left a suicide note beside her bed, insisting her daughter Wynonna should not attend her funeral
Naomi became pregnant with Wynonna the first time she had sex, on the night she graduated from high school at 18 years old.
Three months later when she told the father, Charles Jordan, he hung up the phone on Naomi and left her alone.
‘When I called him to tell him to say I thought I was pregnant, he said, ‘Well, tough luck, kiddo,’ Naomi recalled to Candy O’Terry in 2020, ‘And he hung up the phone and we never heard from him.’
Naomi then quickly married a man named Michael Ciminella out of desperation, saying she ‘had to marry the town jerk to have a roof and a name.’
Naomi Judd with daughters Wynonna (left) and Ashley (right)
Wynonna (left) singing with her mother around the age of 14
The couple and their newborn daughter then took off to Los Angeles where they had another daughter, Ashley, in 1968.
But the marriage quickly fell apart, and Naomi was left raising Wynonna and Ashley ‘a paycheck away from the streets every night,’ while working as a receptionist.
At 22, after being beaten and raped by a drug-addled ex-boyfriend, Naomi ran away with her kids to Kentucky where they lived off of welfare, without heat or electricity at times, while she tried to put herself through nursing school.
During those years Wynonna said she was largely left alone to raise her younger sister while her mother was out of the house trying to make ends meet at all hours.
Speaking on Larry King Live in 2005, Wynonna told how she lived with ‘key around my neck,’ as a child, letting herself come and go from the house while her mother was at work or school.
‘We were on welfare and so she was gone a lot and I kind of feel like I raised Ashley. I mean mom gave birth to her but she kind of belongs to me.’
Naomi holding daughter Ashley, and puts an arm around Wynonna
When Naomi was home, she would play guitar and sing with Wynonna, whose talent as a singer was quickly becoming apparent. The pair eventually landed a record deal after recording a demo together and giving it to a patient of Naomi’s who had connections in Nashville.
Their success was almost immediate, and when Wynonna turned 18 they began to tour as their records climbed the charts. They split their earnings 50-50, and Wynonna found it difficult to cope with an abundance of wealth after living with nothing for so long.
‘I traveled, I took friends, I rented jets. I loved the great rock star lifestyle,’ she told Good Morning America.
Wynonna would eventually spend herself bankrupt and check herself into rehab for money management in 2003.
Wynonna and Ashley in 1986
Wynonna, Ashley, and Naomi Judd together in Hollywood
As a child, Wynonna often turned to food for comfort. During her touring years she developed body-image issues while comparing herself to the lithe forms of her mother and sister.
‘I’m standing there with mom and Ashley and I feel like I don’t belong,’ she told Oprah Winfrey in 2006. ‘I’ve never felt like I belonged.’
Naomi told Oprah she ‘wasn’t as sympathetic as [she] could have been.’
‘My prayer is that she’s really going to be a detective in her life and she’s going to step back and ask what’s going on with her emotionally when she’s headed for the kitchen,’ she said.
Naomi and Wynonna Judd onstage in Las Vegas in 2015
Wynonna and mother Naomi in a publicity photo
A major rift opened between mother and daughter when Wynonna turned thirty-years old and learned the truth about her father.
Growing up, Naomi had always told Wynonna that she and Ashley had the same father because she wanted to preserve their sense of being one family.
‘I don’t know that I thought about it every day of my life, but there were certainly very few days that I didn’t live with this secret and I think it does something to a child,’ Naomi told Oprah.
Wynonna characterized the experience as being traumatic.
‘The first thing I said was, ‘It’s okay.’ And of course I’m raging inside. And I’ve just now come to realize nine years later, I’m really angry,’ she said.
Naomi and Wynonna Judd attend the 2022 Country Music Awards
Naomi and Wynonna Judd play onstage together in 2011
Wynonna and Naomi both described their relationship as being so close they would often need to stay apart from each other so as not get too emotional about their lives.
‘Wynonna and I make each other so emotional it’s not healthy,’ Naomi told PEOPLE in 2016.
‘We are so empathic, we can look at each other and absolutely fall in each other’s arms crying without saying a word. We scare each other because we can go so deep.’
She told Good Morning America they would need to take breaks from each other for periods to protect their own mental health.
‘I love her but there are just times we need a break from each other. We’re still a little estranged from each other,’ Naomi told Good Morning America, ‘And that happens with mother, daughters. If she sees this, and I hope she does, ’cause the smartest thing is for all of us to feel known, no matter what’s goin’ on.
Ashley and Wynonna judge speak during a tribute to their mother after her death in 2022
Naomi’s suicide note insisted Wynonna was barred from her funeral – and claimed she was mentally ill.
The Post-it-style paper was found near the 76-year-old’s body after she shot herself dead at her Tennessee mansion.
It said: ‘Do not let Wy come to my funeral. She’s mentally ill.’ The word ‘not’ appeared to have been underlined.
The note was among a series of documents released by Williamson County Sheriff’s Department this week.
Wynnona did attend the funeral, a source told Radar Online, and believes the note was written when her mother was not in her right mind.
Naomi had also written Wynonna and Ashley out of her $25million will.
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