Labour is nothing more than a party of two halves… and both of ’em are wrong

HAD enough of Boris? Me too, frankly. But then you look at who is waiting in the wings, stage left. The official Opposition.

With their Palestinian flags and weird obsessions about race and gender. With a semi-literate deputy leader who calls the Tory leadership — voted into office by the very people she now wants to back her — “scum”.

With a leader who seems not to believe that women exist. And who is apparently unaware of what a cervix is.

You look at this shower — a party of which I was for almost 40 years a ­member — and think: “Nah, I reckon it’s the blonde buffoon again for me next time.”

A depressing decision, really. But you wouldn’t actually vote for that Labour rabble, would you?

Here’s the problem for Labour. It is torn in half by two competing factions. And the horrible irony is that both of them are wrong. There’s the Corbynista Left. Represented now by Angela Rayner.

Full of bile and hatred for anyone who doesn’t agree with her thick-as-mince worldview. As my friend and colleague Jane Moore said ­yesterday — as leader, Rayner wouldn’t stand a chance of winning back those seats lost to the Tories in 2019.

Some commentators commend her for her “passion”. Great. Passion is an asset if it is allied to intelligence. Nothing about Rayner is allied to intelligence. It is the same old Corbynista Left that got blasted out of sight at the last ­election.

Here’s the problem for Labour. It is torn in half by two competing factions. And the horrible irony is that both of them are wrong.

With its multiple, psychotic ­hatreds — including, of course, a hatred of Britain. But then, on the other side, there’s Sir Keir Starmer. A nice chap, largely.

Doing his best to kick the hell out of the left-wingers who don’t really care about winning elections. But he still follows all the woke idiocies which have made his party unelectable.

He takes the knee — then offends black voters by saying he’d made a “mistake” in visiting a London church which caters largely for black worshippers that has been accused of ­homophobia.

He alienates women and offends reason by refusing to accept the clear and ­obvious point that women have ­cervixes. And if you don’t have a cervix, you’re not a woman.

But Starmer MUST trot out these ­lunacies. Because it is what his party has become.

Renege on any of the woke stuff and he’ll lose half his membership, and most of the voters who gave the party their only successes at the last ­election — in ­affluent, middle-class areas of the South East.

Many in hardship

So he is hamstrung. As one old Labour colleague put it to me, Starmer and ­Rayner — two cheeks of the same liberal arse.

What we are witnessing these last few years is the destruction of a great ­political party. They will never, by ­themselves, win an election again. The traditional Labour voters have nothing in common with the values of the current Labour Party — the party that was set up to ­represent their interests.

And there are not enough votes to be gained by ­pandering to well-orf people for whom the most ­important issue of the day is that we all use the right gender pronouns when we talk to each other.

Or that Israel is really horrid.

And meanwhile millions of people, many in hardship, really have nobody for whom they could vote with a clear ­conscience.

It’s between the devil and the deep blue Boris. Neither of which seem terribly ­attractive, do they?

Seventies with Suzi hard to Topper

IF we really are heading back to the 1970s, as all the headlines ­suggest, can we strike a ­bargain?

OK, we’ll take the power cuts and the fuel shortage.

But can we also have the other stuff from the 1970s? The better music and TV. The ­controls on immigration.

The fewer cars on the roads, the quieter pace of life. The lack of political ­correctness.

Kids playing outside all day in the ­summer.

Oh, and Heinz Toast ­Toppers, the Aztec bar and Suzi Quatro, above.

MAKE A MOVE, CPS

ISN’T it time the police and the Crown Prosecution Service got a bit more involved in their work?

It seems we are powerless to stop the Insulate Britain protesters. It doesn’t matter if they’ve been locked up for the night. As soon as they’re free, off they go to the nearest motorway sliproad.

They ignore injunctions. So how about next time they’re arrested, bring full ­charges and don’t give them bail? And for repeat offenders, make it a one-year sentence.

I DON’T HAVE A BOND

AS soon as I hear the words, “The name is Bond, James Bond,” I reach for the remote.

I’ve been reading all the hoo-ha about the latest Bond film and feeling a bit bemused.

It’s one of those times I feel alienated from the rest of the country. I have never watched a Bond film all the way through. And never paid to see one at the cinema.

I’d rather take out my own liver. Do you have this kind of problem?

Where you can’t stand something seemingly everybody else in the world adores? Happens to me occasionally – you can add Star Wars and Lord Of The bleedin’ Rings to my list of shame.

Oh, and Titanic. I must have been the only person in the cinema thinking: “Oh for gawd’s sake drown, DiCaprio, just drown.”

SLIDE ’N’ JOY

THESE are troubled times and one has to take one’s joy in small things.

For me, that’s watching Spurs and star striker Harry Kane, slide down the table. And I’m not even an Arsenal fan.

Every season Spurs fans think: “Maybe this could be our year!”

And every season – for the past 60 at least – it REALLY isn’t. It’s hilarious that a few months ago they thought they were going to be in a European Super League for “top” clubs.

‘The cover-up of the century’

ANY Western experts are now convinced that the Covid virus was deliberately engineered in a laboratory in Wuhan, China.

Plenty of evidence has emerged to support this explanation. One diplomat described it as “the cover-up of the century. This makes Watergate look easy”.

But China refuses to allow an independent investigation. It continues to lie and obfuscate.

It is time the country’s horrible government was held to account. We should impose ­sanctions until China agrees to let the investigators in.

STRIFE IF LIFE IS LONG

YOU can’t get any petrol and the supermarket shelves are bare.

Smelly eco-loons have glued themselves to the motorway. That virus is still wafting around.

Turning the radiator on will soon cost more than buying a car. Unless it’s a very expensive electric car which we’ll all end up having to buy anyway.

The French are trying to nick our fish again and Boris is still running the country.

And it is at THIS point that the scientists tell us we could all live to 130. I mean, FFS. If it’s like this now, what’s it going to be like 70 years hence? Spare us, please.

  • ASSUME it’s the same numpties filling up their jerrycans with petrol who 18 months ago were stockpiling bog rolls and hoarding hand sanitiser.

These are the kind of people known as “sociopaths”. They have no regard whatsoever for everybody else in society. Dim and lacking in empathy.

I wonder how much this fuel crisis has been caused by a shortage of tanker drivers – and how much by these selfish morons?

Things never change. I remember the long hot summer of 1976. And the drought. In some areas there were standpipes in the street.

The morons were around then, too. Filling up great bathtubs with water instead of taking just what they needed.

BEST OF PLUCK

HERO Of The Week is a woman called Helen Pluckrose.

The academic has formed a pressure group called Counterweight to fight back against woke nonsense.

She’s been inundated with people asking for help. One email she received was from a black guy who is sick to death of being told he is “oppressed”.

This woke business seems so berserk that it’s funny. But it’s deadly ­serious – and causes divisions between us all.

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