Move over glampers, a new breed of festival goer is in town – and dressed in suede and silk elegance from head to toe, with my chandelier swinging majestically inside my tent, I’m one of them.
Allow me to explain.
The wardrobe? Think dinner suits and gowns befitting a debutante’s ball. There must be none of the practical wear so closely tied to the myth of the ‘great outdoors’. No cagoules. No rucksacks.
On day one of this year’s Glastonbury, for example, I sported a purple velvet two-piece with oxblood tassel loafers – and a cane. Flampeurs maintain that if one dresses for clement weather, it shall come.
If things do turn damp, though, one must stoically march on, pretending it is a perfect summer’s day.
Then there’s the tent. Only those ludicrously heavy 1970s canvas Gumtree finds will do. That’s what we had and, by Jove, it was joyous.
Opening our florid curtains every morning to wave at our neighbours – what a treat. Then you’ll need to hang rococo mirrors about the place and find space for that chaise longue. Foldable ones exist; we took two.
Also, there’s the candelabra (helpful on the 4am shuffle to the loo) and the second-hand silverware.
So how did it begin? Well, after the dullery of lockdown, a clique of like-minded pleasure-seekers and I went camping in France – only we weren’t going to do it in the normal fashion.
We wanted to be totally individual and unforgettable. Thus, a preposterous subgenre was born. And so, friends, I welcome you to join the festival-going revolution, a democratic antidote to the inherent sadness of camping.
Mix ’70s vintage with antique loveliness to make each day unforgettable. Pack a full ’70s-inspired drinks trolley, replete with sherries and Italian amaros, to be consumed as breakfast elixirs.
Fill your tent with tapestries or paintings depicting classical scenes and add gilded rococo mirrors that mask even the most party-weary face with Antoinette-style splendour.
Dine with silver-plated cutlery, cut-crystal glassware and lavender-scented table centres. Bring a collapsible wardrobe to hang flampy outfits that match both your tent and decadent in-tent-ions. And then campers, you’re ready to flamp.
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