As Vanessa Feltz, 60, opens up about her split from ‘cheating’ Ben Ofoedu, 50, a relationship expert reveals 6 steps to move on from YOUR ex’s infidelity
- Vanessa confirmed their separation amid claims he cheated with several women
- Radio presenter Vanessa, 60, and Phats & Small singer Ben, 50, first met in 2005
- READ: Vanessa Feltz discusses split from ‘cheating’ Ben Ofoedu, 50, as she vows to ‘hit the town with the girls and fears she’ll make many more mistakes’
Vanessa Feltz’s split from her ‘cheating’ ex-fiancé Ben Ofoedu has dominated showbiz headlines in recent days.
But after the broadcaster, 60, admitted that her 16-year relationship ending was a ‘horrible shock’ – yet one she’s determined not to be ‘derailed’ by, what is the best way to cope with being cheated on?
UK-based relationship expert Tina Wilson told FEMAIL: ‘It is important to remain calm like Vanessa appears to be doing, and move forward, if you decide you can’t repair the relationship with your ex.’
It emerged at the weekend that Vanessa and Phats & Small singer Ben, 50, had parted ways after he was allegedly unfaithful while touring UK holiday parks with his electronic dance music act.
Vanessa told TalkTV viewers on Monday: ‘I can’t be the only person in the country nursing a broken heart, can I? I am absolutely determined to put my best foot forward, to keep on trucking, all that sort of stuff. Keep calm and carry on.’
Vanessa Feltz’s split from her ‘cheating’ ex-fiancé Ben Ofoedu (pictured together in 2015) has dominated showbiz headlines in recent days
Here, Tina reveals how best to move on after you’ve been cheated on by a partner – including reminding yourself the relationship probably had trust issues all along, cutting all ties with your ex and letting your loved ones approve your future dates…
REMIND YOURSELF YOU HAD TRUST ISSUES ALL ALONG
Tina, founder of Wingman, said: ‘Remind yourself the cheating was the catalyst for something being off in the relationship to begin with.
‘Communication and honesty is key to surviving infidelity but if the trust is gone maybe it’s time to accept there were trust issues in the relationship which could have been present for a long time.
‘The relationship might have imploded at any point so it is better to take these steps now than when it could be harder to move on in the future.’
MOVE OR REDECORATE TO CLEANSE YOUR EX OUT OF YOUR LIFE
UK-based relationship expert Tina Wilson (pictured) told FEMAIL: ‘It is important to remain calm like Vanessa appears to be doing, and move forward, if you decide you can’t repair the relationship with your ex.’
‘Most people will advise you to keep busy, so you don’t dwell on your emotions but in some ways facing up to your feelings is all part of the moving on progress,’ said the expert.
‘Therefore, instead of keeping busy to keep busy – stop. Instead, keep busy by doing something for you and your future and is more productive than drinking your sorrows away in a bar.
‘Plan a move or redecorate your flat or house so you can cleanse your ex out of your life for good. It is also a great opportunity to let go of any reminders which you might have around you.
‘Ultimately, you will feel uplifted and motivated by the smallest changes and you are starting an exciting new chapter in your life – even if that, for example, is sitting in your brand new snug lounge with your designer rug.’
CUT ALL TIES WITH YOUR EX
Tina said: ‘It can be tempting to text, call or check your ex’s social media profile, but stop. Cut off all communication, both direct and indirect.
‘Although, you might tell yourself you are just curious and want to see what they are up to, by doing so it shows you still can’t let them go.
‘It is not healthy, and you won’t be able to move on. Stop any unhealthy habits in their tracks now.
‘I would go one step further if you are having a hard time and cut anyone closely connected to your ex out of your social circle.
‘The anxiety of them coming up in conversation or even worse, bumping into them, will put your right back at square one.’
GIVE ANY DATING RESPONSIBILITY TO A FRIEND
‘It might be time to acknowledge that your friends know you best and it will give you more confidence if you know your new date is friend approved,’ suggested the expert.
‘It could take a lot of the time you would have wasted with the wrong person out of the equation. You will feel more secure and motivated to find someone new if you let your friends or family take the lead.
‘Your friend can guide you in the right direction which is exactly what you need right now. It is not a time to second guess or fall for the same characteristics over and over again.’
DON’T CHANGE WHO YOU ARE
Tina explained: ‘Self-doubt and insecurity will be heightened when you’ve just broken up with your ex.
‘Above all, always remember, it is never your fault if you’ve been cheated on so it’s important to never blame yourself or think there is something wrong with you.
‘Subconsciously or consciously changing things about yourself, could in fact prevent you from finding your future partner as you are living life in disguise.
‘This will keep you stuck trying to get over your ex for longer. Therefore, be strong and self-assertive by embracing who you are and reminding yourself they were lucky to have you.’
SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS
‘Partners come and go but true friends stay in your life forever,’ said Tina. ‘Also if you want a fresh start it is a good tip to make new friends that you don’t have to continually talk about the split with.
‘If you continue to bring up your ex with your friends then you could prevent them from wanting to spend time with you in the future so avoid doing this.
‘If you want to confide in a friend just do so in the right environment and not on a night out when you are supposed to be enjoying yourself and taking your mind off your ex.’
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