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Cup of Joe starts today.
Today. Inauguration Day 2021. It’s either historical — or hysterical.
Be it known George Washington’s the only chief of state who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles. And our Congress and Senate? So unpredictable you just never know what life-threatening problems they’re not going to do anything about.
OK, so Joe and Jill went up to the Hill. Should Joe fall down and break his crown, Kamala comes tumbling after. With a food taster. We’re grateful for our new chief. Biden actually knows a lot. He only just can’t remember it. But he stands on his record, which means nobody can see it. Will powerful interests control him? His answer: “Leave my family out of this.” Another thing. Cabinet members were warned not to discuss the man’s advanced years. No mentioning he once had a pet dinosaur.
Mr. Mayor?
EVERYBODY’S running for something.
So many candidates suiting up for City Hall that there aren’t enough promises to go around. Andrew Yang ran for president. Please. Now mayor. Please. Itchy to be famous, next up is alderman. Please.He said he should run NYC because he has Kamala’s cell number. How’s that for a platform?
His next parlor trick is Dialing for Endorsement. Or speaking in Central Park. And where he’ll stand, it never grew so good before.Per Politico and his voter card he “did not vote in 2000 and 2012 presidential elections. Also skipped every mayoral election twixt 2001 and 2017.” This wizard of odds now wants to run this town?
Oyez, oyez
Today let us commemorate The Three Louseketeers: Congressman Adam Bullschiff, charming Jerry Nadler and saintly Mrs. Pelousey. Can someone please remind me when America elected Pelousey president of the United States? . . . AND to quote the great orator Horatio. Or his cousin, maybe called Irving Horatio. Who maybe said: “Elections determine if the polls are right. And the guy leading in the polls is the one taking the polls.”
Being Best
We discuss now our previous first ladies. Theodore Roosevelt’s Edith let the kids toss spitballs at Andrew Jackson’s portrait. Bess Truman’s words of wisdom: “A woman’s place is to sit beside her husband, be silent and be sure her hat is on straight.” Andrew Johnson’s Eliza, no knockout and from an impoverished background, made quilts, and rarely left the White House. Micromanager Sarah Polk banned drinking, cardplaying, dinners, parties, even dancing at James’ inaugural.“Plastic Pat” asked Nixon to ditch the awful “mudslinging” politics but couldn’t budge him from the spotlight. DC still a swamp and the president’s palace not yet finished when Abigail Adams hung her laundry in the reception room. Mrs. Zachary Taylor got called “an ignorant, unsophisticated hick.”
Now, Melania. She maintained her son and own family in quiet respectful check. No scandals, no running amok, no late night boozing, no running for p.r. Clothes, excellent. Looks, beautiful. Deportment, perfect. And very smart. The only shrill barks around her came from jealous outsiders. I know Melania. They were dating when Donald brought her to my home. Inauguration Day we hugged. I’ve seen her since. She’s to be congratulated for maintaining the position with elegance.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York have the words of Mitch McConnell been repeated. And they are: “Our country ’tis of me . . .”
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