"When I read the first manuscript, I just burst out crying in the beginning paragraph because I felt like I finally have a voice, and this is it," she said, also sharing that "no one is safe" in her memoir.
Crystal Hefner is reflecting on her experience living in the Playboy Mansion and her marriage to Playboy founder Hugh Hefner.
In a new interview with Us Weekly, the former Playmate — who was married to Hefner from 2012 until his passing in 2017 — opened up about her upcoming memoir titled, Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself, in which she’ll tell her story for the first time.
“No one is safe,” Crystal teased of the book, which will be released next year.
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Crystal began dating Hefner — who was 60 years her senior — in her early 20s, moving into the mansion — with his then-18-year-old twin girlfriends, Karissa and Kristina Shannon — only a few days after she met him.
“Going in, I was a deer in the headlights. It was like I just got the golden ticket for the Willy Wonka [factory],” she recalled Us Weekly, adding that ultimately, “it all started crumbling down.”
Crystal, of course, isn’t the first of Hefner’s exes to write a memoir. Back in 2015, Holly Madison released her tell-all book, Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny, with Crystal sharing how she — and the other women living in the mansion — reacted to Holly’s memoir.
“I remember getting the E-book so I could type my name and just see what was said about me,” she said with a laugh. “And [Holly] said something minor in there about how, like, I ripped some stickers off a mirror. But I remember the mansion being upset about it. It was when women had less of a voice.”
Meanwhile, Crystal said she’s credited therapy for helping her dive into her past and unpack her trauma from her many years living in the Playboy Mansion.
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“Therapy really helped,” she said. “You start backtracking and [noticing] different behaviors. I’m like, ‘Oh, that’s gaslighting. That’s narcissism.’ It took years for me to understand what I went through, understand myself and also understand Hef and why he did certain things. You know, there’s a story behind everything.”
The 37-year-old added she’s been “deprogramming” herself, specifically when it comes to how she views herself, noting that at the mansion, “Your value is what you look like.”
“I was rewarded for being codependent and feeling like I was nothing without Hef and had no value of my own,” she said. “You’re rewarded for not having a life of your own outside of the person. I’ve learned a lot about self-worth, self-love, advocating for yourself and healthy relationships.”
Crystal said she’s also had to change how she approaches female friendships after she had such a warped perspective of them.
“The women at the mansion were very catty. You could give someone $10,000 to not be my friend anymore, and they would take the money,” she told Us Weekly, admitting that she met “thousands” of women during her time at the mention, but she only has kept in contact with “maybe five” of them.
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In the years since Hefner’s 2017 death, many of his ex-girlfriends, former Playmates, models and former Playboy employees have spoken out against Hefner and the alleged misconduct that went down inside the Playboy Mansion, including a slew of other disturbing allegations, such as sexual assault.
Many made their claims during the bombshell 2022 docuseries, Secrets of Playboy. Meanwhile, The Girls Next Door alums and Hefner’s ex-girlfriends, Madison and Bridget Marquardt have also continued to share their experiences over the years, with the topic being the focus of their 2022 podcast, Girls Next Level.
“I wasn’t one of three girlfriends on a show. We were married; I was there with Hugh until he died,” Crystal told Us Weekly, noting that her views may not be the same as Holly’s or Bridget’s.
When it comes to writing her memoir, which she announced in February 2022, Crystal said the experience was an emotional release.
“When I read the first manuscript, I just burst out crying in the beginning paragraph because I felt like I finally have a voice, and this is it,” she recalled, noting that the most difficult chapters were those about sex and death.
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“Everyone assumes [I was] some dumb young girl who became part of [Hugh’s] girlfriend entourage, and, you know, ‘She’s an idiot,'” she added. “But now I have a pretty clear understanding of what I went through and what went on, and it’ll be apparent in the book.”
While Crystal stressed that no one is off limits, she said she’s she’s changed some names.
“There are hard stories and people that have hurt me, and they’re in there,” she said. “The stories are very detailed, and there are things that have never been spoken about before.”
Crystal shared that she thinks her late husband would be supportive of her “telling her story,” and expressed her hope that her book will be helpful to other young women.
“I wish I had this book when I was 21 before going into the mansion,” she said. “I hope that being such an advocate for freedom of speech, that [Hugh] would be an advocate for me telling my story. Women’s voices are getting louder, and that’s really important.”
After Holly released her book and before his death, Hefner responded with a statement that seemed aimed at any exes who ever spoke out against him in public.
“Over the course of my life I’ve had more than my fair share of romantic relationships with wonderful women,” he told Us Magazine at the time. “Many moved on to live happy, healthy, and productive lives, and I’m pleased to say remain dear friends today. Sadly, there are a few who have chosen to rewrite history in an attempt to stay in the spotlight. I guess, as the old saying goes: You can’t win ’em all!”
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