In Lalalaletmeexplain's hit column, readers ask for her expert advice on their own love, sex and relationship problems. With over 120k Instagram followers, Lala is the anonymous voice helping womankind through every bump in the road.
An established sex, dating and relationship educator, she’s had her fair share of relationship drama and shares her wisdom on social media to a loyal army of followers. Every week thousands turn to her to answer their questions (no matter how embarrassing), and her funny, frank approach to love and relationships has made her the ultimate feel-good guru. Sign up below – for free! – to see her latest advice…
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Dear Lala,
Last year I went on one date that ended with sex, with a very, very hot guy who I didn’t see again because it fizzled out.
This is partly because I found out that he had lied about his age. He had told me he was 31 but was actually 26. I discovered this by internet stalking him after the date – as you do.
Through my internet searches I also discovered that he has an identical twin. Today I matched with, and started chatting to, his twin on Hinge.
I’m not sure that I want anything with the twin because he’s obviously younger than me which bothers me a little. But he is very attractive, and the conversation has been nice so far.
The question is – should I tell him about my history with his brother? Would this be just as weird if they were brothers not twins?
And if I do tell him, when is the right time?
Lala says…
I was actually sent a picture of this guy along with the letter and let me just say, this man looks like he was carved out of gold by God himself.
He is exceptionally good looking by anyone’s standards. Not that looks should matter, but if we’re all honest with ourselves, making sensible decisions about people who we find insanely attractive can be difficult. It can be tempting to set the bar lower because we are so driven by lust and physical attraction.
I’m reading between the lines, but I wonder if the fizzling out after sex really was because you found out about his age, or whether you are giving yourself that justification to protect your ego.
Being fizzled or ghosted after sex can feel incredibly humiliating. I’ve done it before when a guy has rejected me, instead of being open and honest about the rejection, I’ve claimed that actually I wasn’t that into him anyway, or I’ve made out that it was a mutual decision not to see each other, when deep down I knew full well that if he’d wanted to meet again, I’d have jumped at the chance.
But even if it wasn’t that and his age really was a factor, then dating his same age twin seems a bit pointless.
There is a possibility that these twins are exceedingly mature and that they don’t see any issue with sharing dates, and that twin one will give his blessing, and twin two won’t mind that twin one has already had sex with you, and will get to know you for you without the brother thing being a problem.
There is also a stronger possibility that these exceedingly good-looking twins use dating apps to sh*g and run from as many women as possible and that they laugh together while matching the same women, sharing tales of which one was easiest or filthiest.
There is a strong possibility that both twins already know that you’ve slept with one and matched the other and that they find it hilarious.
I think you need to consider what exactly you want from this. Are you up for casual sex with twin two? Would it bother you if they did both see this as a joke? Are you talking to him with a view to proper dating?
If you are up for meaningless sex, and you’re turned on by the possibility of sleeping with twins, then I don’t think any of it really matters. You can tell twin two that you slept with his brother and if it doesn’t freak him out then you can have sex.
But if you are hoping for more then I think there is a strong likelihood that your history with twin one will cancel that out. I don’t think them being twins rather than just brothers would make much difference.
Either way, I believe that it’s best to say something before you meet up. Given that they are twins, it will be obvious that you are aware that you’ve already slept with his brother, so the longer you leave it, the weirder it will become.
Straight up honesty is the answer. He can then decide what he wants to do with that information. You just need to think about how you would feel if he also fizzles out after sex and whether you can handle that.
If him ghosting after sex would leave you with a dented ego and a feeling of regret or humiliation, then it’s just not worth the risk.
Follow @Lalalaletmeexplain on Instagram for more advice on sex and relationships. Have a question for Lala? Email [email protected].
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