PLATELL’S PEOPLE: Don’t turn the Coronation into a festival of wokery and virtue signalling… we desperately want the full pageantry, flummery and a celebration of 1,000 years of tradition
When I hung out my 30 metres of Union Flag bunting yesterday, it was with something of a heavy heart.
I am an ardent monarchist and those fluttering flags made their first appearance at my cottage for the wedding of Kate and William, then for the Queen’s Jubilees . . . and, after that, her funeral.
But the more I learn about the details of the Coronation, the more I worry. First, we heard that peers attending had been advised against wearing their crimson robes in keeping with the King’s desire for a modern, pared-back ceremony.
Then that many dukes whose families have been at coronations going back through the ages have not been invited.
Now we know even more about the ceremony. And, as the Mail revealed yesterday, many of the pivotal roles will go to trailblazers in gender and racial equality.
But the more I learn about the details of the Coronation, the more I worry. First, we heard that peers attending had been advised against wearing their crimson robes in keeping with the King’s desire for a modern, pared-back ceremony
Jen’s look doesn’t Suit you, Meg
That first picture of Meghan for ages, with poker-straight hair, had me thinking.
She wasn’t channeling businesswoman Gwyneth Paltrow as we all thought. The Suits actress was modelling herself, modestly as always, on multi-millionaire singer and actress Jennifer Lopez!
In her dreams.
Step forward Lib Dem peer Floella Benjamin, ex-children’s TV presenter who could not be more delighted: ‘To be selected to carry the sovereign’s sceptre sends a message that diversity and inclusion is being embraced.’
Alongside her is Labour human rights lawyer Baroness Kennedy, famous for her involvement in the Brighton bombing trial and the world’s first case defending transgender rights in the European Court of Justice.
All jolly good. I’m for inclusivity and diversity. But we desperately want the full pageantry, flummery and a celebration of 1,000 years of tradition as well.
For if King Charles turns the Coronation into a woke-fest that panders to the liberals and the young — who, as a Panorama poll showed this week, are actually contemptuous of the royals — he risks marginalising the loyal supporters that the monarchy depends on for its very survival.
To show how modern it is, the Palace proudly announced Petty Officer Amy Taylor will be the first woman to carry the Jewelled Sword of Offering, one of the historic Crown Jewels.
But why does it have to be a woman? The monarchy should not behave like the BBC, where every high- profile presenting role seems to go to a female nowadays.
Attention to minorities is all well and good. But virtue-signalling and slavish attention to snowflakes is not.
We monarchists want to revel in the splendour of this occasion, and the King ignores us at his peril.
While a miserable Harry is back in court whining about historic media grievances, a smiling William is abseiling down a mountain with beaming Kate beside him as they support a Welsh volunteer-run rescue team and feed them pizzas. As Meghan might ask, which couple is thriving, not just surviving, now?
Myleene shows she’s got a head for figures!
On I’m A Celebrity, Myleene Klass, 45, wears a white bikini like the one she made famous on the show in 2006 but says her body isn’t what it was.
Au contraire! She is celebrated not just for her shape but for her brains, too, after launching a swimsuit range that helped her make an itsy bitsy teenie weenie £13 million.
On I’m A Celebrity, Myleene Klass, 45, wears a white bikini like the one she made famous on the show in 2006 but says her body isn’t what it was
Au contraire! She is celebrated not just for her shape but for her brains, too, after launching a swimsuit range that helped her make an itsy bitsy teenie weenie £13 million
Little wonder that the Foreign Office’s repatriation of British nationals from Sudan has been so chaotic, given that civil servants are still pleading post-Covid burnout and working from home while demanding a four-day week.
How can they sleep at night knowing some Brits they’ve abandoned don’t have anywhere to sleep at all?
Loos tongue, Becks?
In his new £16 million Netflix documentary, David Beckham says his OCD is so acute he has to tidy the whole house after the family goes to bed, including all kitchen surfaces, and wipe up spillage from Victoria’s scented candles, before he can sleep. Such warts-and- all confessions! Just wondering if they interviewed Rebecca Loos for the documentary . . .
Westminster wars
No sooner had Rishi caved into the civil service and let Dominic Raab go, than they’re out to get Health Secretary Steve Barclay on flimsy bullying claims including that he can sometimes be ‘a bit unpleasant’.
Sunak should be standing up for his ministers, not caving in to overpaid snivel servants.
It’s not enough for Keir Starmer to condemn Diane Abbott for her appalling letter to The Observer and remove the whip from her — which could be temporary.
If he wants to prove that Labour is not anti-Semitic under his leadership, she must be expelled from the party for life.
With typical self-deprecation, in his final interview before his death aged 78, Strictly’s most glittering head judge Len Goodman asked to be remembered as ‘a dance teacher from Dartford who got lucky’.
He likened his cancer to having a bit of bother with a car that finally conks out but, in the end: ‘It’s more about the journey — and mine has been lovely.’ Lovely for us too, Len.
With typical self-deprecation, in his final interview before his death aged 78, Strictly’s most glittering head judge Len Goodman asked to be remembered as ‘a dance teacher from Dartford who got lucky’
Harry and the goblet of ire
Despite the best efforts of the trans lobby to cancel J. K. Rowling, she will now earn a reported $20 million a year over ten years for helping to produce the new TV series of her novels.
And since she will choose the next Harry Potter actor, she’ll be sure not to opt for someone like trans-radical Daniel Radcliffe, who is only famous because of her — and yet turned on her.
Steven Spielberg admits he was wrong to cave in to PC sensitivities and replace guns with walkie-talkies in the 20th anniversary re-release of his movie ET, saying: ‘That was a mistake. ET is a product of its era.’
Good news for classics such as Oscar-winning The Guns Of Navarone — The Phones Of Navarone doesn’t have quite the right ring to it.
Singer Ed Sheeran is being sued for allegedly plagiarising the Marvin Gaye classic Let’s Get It On in his hit Thinking Out Loud.
Pity the judge trying to work that out. Every middle-of-the-road Ed song sounds the same to me: dirges that make me want to lie down in the middle of the M25.
While being praised for his poise and easy charm, Mastermind’s new presenter Clive Myrie is accused of presiding over a dumbed-down show after the specialist subject of one contestant in the final was Ricky Gervais’s comedy series Extras.
Another chose the Rocky films. Extras I get as it is sublimely funny, but Rocky?
In the entire six movies, Sylvester Stallone’s only memorable sentence is: ‘Yo Adrian, I did it!’
Shame on strikers…
It’s cruel that rail unions chose to strike on FA Cup Final day. But targeting the Eurovision Song Contest is beyond belief.
Now Ukrainians who can’t hold the event at home because of the war — and were given tickets to celebrate their win last year — won’t be able to go to Liverpool to see it.
How can well- paid rail staff crying poverty put their needs before people fighting not for a pay rise but for their country’s very existence?
The judge in Harry’s privacy case says there are ‘troubling factual inconsistencies’ in his evidence for claims dating back decades.
Could this be explained by revelations in Spare that in the past he’s been on the wacky baccy and his memory might be a bit, er, foggy?
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