DEAR DEIDRE: EVERYONE expects me to drop everything and run to my dying father’s bedside, but I feel so conflicted, and despise him.
He’s been awful to me throughout my life, and has never shown any interest in me or my children.
I seem a terrible son, but I’m 53, and he’s had a lifetime to be a good dad, and grandad to my kids – who are now adults.
Now that he’s 83 and has terminal cancer, it’s too late.
I don’t wish him ill, but I don’t want to be a hypocrite.
Seeing him would just bring back horrible memories of the critical things he said to me, the lack of support, and the relationship we never had.
Yet other family members are pestering me to “do the right thing”.
Should I just go, out of duty?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Please don’t feel pressured or guilt-tripped into seeing him. You will only end up feeling resentful.
But meeting him could maybe bring you closure, to say the things you want to say.
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You won’t get another chance and it can be hard to live with regret.
Talk to standalone.org.uk, which helps people estranged from a family member.
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