We all know that January is a bit sh*t.
It’s cold and dreary, Christmas is done and dusted, and there’s a real dearth of things to look forward to.
Unsurprisingly, this takes a toll on our relationships.
While December may have been loaded up with coupley activities (Winter Wonderland, carefully choosing each other’s gifts, drinking hot chocolate by a fireplace), January can see romance drooping faster than that tree still lingering in the corner.
Don’t panic, though – your sex life isn’t doomed to a winter sag.
Dr Katherine Hertlein, couples therapist and lead advisor at sex therapy app Blueheart, shares her tips for bringing back the intimacy and reboot your connection.
Prioritise communication
Issues don’t start in the bedroom. If you want your sex life to get back on track, you’ll need to use your mouths (not just for oral, although that’s very much encouraged).
‘Open and loving communication is always the first step in improving your sex life; the more open you are, the stronger your connection will be,’ says Dr Katherine.
‘If you’re concerned that you and your partner aren’t having sex as often as usual, initiate a conversation about how you’re both feeling.
‘Stress, anxiety and health problems can all have a significant impact on sexual activity and satisfaction, so once you get to the root of the problem, you can work together to bring back a spark between the two of you.’
Emphasise intimacy
Dr Katherine says: ‘Setting time aside to be intimate, not just sexually but emotionally, is necessary for a healthy sex life.
‘Your sex life needs to be about more than just intercourse. The lead up to sex is just as important as the act itself; it’s about taking your time, enjoying each other and finding intimacy and connection.
‘Stroking and cuddling with your partner, having a bath or shower together, or giving each other a massage, are all ways to connect and feel close.
‘Take the focus off the act itself and focus on intimacy.’
Book in a date night
Make an effort to bring back some romance. A date night is the perfect way to start, allowing you some time to focus entirely on spending quality time together.
Book in a cinema trip, make a meal together, go out for drinks – and flirt with wild abandon.
Exercise together
‘One contributor to a lack of desire is a lack of exercise,’ says Dr Katherine. ‘Not only does it have countless health benefits, but exercise produces endorphins which can increase blood flow around your body and boost your mood.
‘Exercising with your partner is a great way to create a shared enjoyable experience – it can make both of you more receptive and excitable to touch, and overall boost your sexual desire for each other.’
Focus on kissing
When’s the last time you just made out, rather than moving from a cursory peck to penetrative sex?
Don’t dismiss kissing as a lesser sexual act. It’s important.
‘Practicing being more present when kissing your partner can boost feelings of connection, so no matter how busy you both are, try and make time to kiss for longer,’ suggests Dr Katherine. ‘Try kissing for six seconds; it can be anything from a sensual lip-biting kiss, to gently nibbling all the way up to their ear and back again – you’re guaranteed to feel closer.
‘This can also help unlock desire and lead to sexual activity, but that doesn’t have to be the aim.’
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