HENRY DEEDES watches Keir Starmer sounding sorrowful in the Commons

Any more of Keir Starmer’s Bambi act and we’ll need sickbags: HENRY DEEDES watches the Labour leader sounding sorrowful in the Commons

Sir Keir Starmer deployed his holier-than-thou voice. You know the one: sorrowful, delivered with Bambi-eyes and pulpit piety.

He adopts that tone whenever he’s trying to cast himself as the nation’s moral arbiter, placing himself somewhere on that saintly pantheon between His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa.

Labour’s leader was introducing his motion on whether Boris Johnson should face a parliamentary investigation into Partygate. Yet another inquiry into the blasted affair. Oh goody.

Swivelling at the despatch box, Sir Keir insisted this was nothing to do with party politics or the local elections. Of course not!

This was about probity. ‘The eyes of the country are upon us,’ he intoned gravely. It was time for MPs ‘to stand up for honesty, for integrity and for truth’.

Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer during the Privilege Motion relating to the Conduct of the Prime Minister debate

Any more speeches like this, and House authorities may need to start supplying the press gallery with sickbags.

For all Sir Keir’s oily righteousness, this was an uncomfortable day to be a Tory in the Commons. Those who dared to show that is.

Another shambolic morning in the Whips’ Office saw the Government U-turn on its original plans and allow MPs an open vote. Rather than hang around, many had wisely dashed for the hills.

Even the front bench was decidedly light on stardust. Northern Ireland Secretary Brandon Lewis put in an appearance along with a smattering of nonentities. Oh, and clueless vaccines minister Maggie Throup, Gawd help us.

Starmer spoke for just over half an hour although it felt far longer. He accepted endless fawning interventions from his own side, basting each one in complimentary juices.

His long windedness was only matched by the SNP’s Ian Blackford whose ramblings against the Prime Minister even Labour MPs eventually tired of.

‘Less is more!’ they cried.

Far more devastating for Boris were the two torpedoes launched by his own side.

Britain’s Prime Minister Boris Johnson (L) gets a traditional turban tied on his head upon his arrival at the Gujarat Biotechnology University in Gandhinagar

The first arrived in the shape of William Wragg (Con, Hazel Grove). Wragg is not a name that resonates beyond Westminster’s walls. He’s the chairman of the public administration and constitutional affairs select committee and looks like someone from the pages of a 1930s Boy’s Own annual.

No fan of the PM, his letter urging him to go has been gathering dust in Sir Graham Brady’s desk drawer since December. Puffing out his chest, Wraggy described how few of his fellow Tories actually enjoyed being in politics at the moment. Time and again they were being called upon by their whips to ‘defend the indefensible’.

Colleagues around him did not demur.

He gave a misty-eyed tribute to the ‘singular honour’ of being elected to Parliament which could sometimes be ‘a pantomime, a farce, turgidly boring and obscure’ but should always be ‘reasonably honest’.

UK Parliament of SNP Westminster leader Ian Blackford speaks during Prime Minister’s Questions in the House of Commons

As Wragg sat down, that Tory-hating firebrand John McDonnell (Lab, Hayes and Harlington) began to applaud. Less expected was the blue-on-blue attack from Steve Baker (Con, Wycombe). Only on Tuesday, Baker had welcomed Boris’s apology.

But the PM’s contrition had only lasted ‘as long as it took to get out of the headmaster’s study’, he said. Being a devoted Christian, Baker talked a lot about redemption and forgiveness but in the end opted for crucifixion. The PM should be ‘long gone’ Baker said. ‘The gig’s up.’ Oof.

A few Tories did find it in them to speak up for Boris.

His former political secretary Danny Kruger (Con, Devizes) offered his support ‘because someone has to’. He praised the PM as the sort of Tory who doesn’t simply play safe and ask ‘what would John Major do?’

Mr Johnson is pictured sitting around a table in the Downing Street garden in May 2020 with his wife Carrie Johnson, former chief aide-turned-rival Dominic Cummings, and Principal Private Secretary ‘Party Marty’ Reynolds

Quite so. Boris is nothing like Major. Even he wouldn’t have hopped into the tub with Edwina Currie for starters.

Charged with summing up the Government’s case was Paymaster General Michael Ellis. Most ministers would baulk at such a task. Not ‘Sir’ Michael. He looked like he’d won the pools. Was he any good?

Well, let’s just say anyone who finds themselves banged up abroad might not want to make Mr Ellis’s legal chambers their first port of call.

As for the vote, it predictably ended up going through unopposed. Five hours of debate to reach a foregone conclusion. What an absurd carry on this saga is turning into.

Source: Read Full Article

Previous post Raoul Moat manhunt is set to be dramatised for ITV
Next post Russian troops 'are humiliated'… but they can still crush Ukraine