DEAR DEIDRE: I DON’T believe my girlfriend when she says she was thinking about me while in bed with her ex.
Now I’m not sure if I should break up with her, or give her a second chance.
I’m 30 and she’s 31. We’ve been together for two years and our sex life has always been good.
A few months ago her ex, who had really hurt her when they were together, got in touch because he was back in town.
Unbeknown to me, she agreed to meet him for a drink as she wanted to talk to him. She had unresolved feelings and needed closure.
They got really drunk and ended up back at her flat, where they had sex.
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It happened more than once before she, in her words, “came to her senses” and realised she was making a big mistake.
I only found out when I questioned why she was acting weirdly around me — being evasive, withdrawn, less affectionate. She broke down in tears and confessed.
My girlfriend claims she told him it was over and stopped seeing him right away after that.
She says the affair meant absolutely nothing and that she was thinking about me the whole time, and it made her realise how much she loved me. But would she ever have told me if I hadn’t pushed her? And would she have carried on sleeping with him?
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I could forgive a drunken one-night stand but I know she slept with him multiple times.
They were meeting every Wednesday, the night I have football training, so after the first time it was premeditated.
I want to make a go of things but part of me feels she’s playing me for a fool.
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DEIDRE SAYS: She says she loves you but had a funny way of showing it.
Telling you she had unresolved feelings and was thinking about you while having sex with him sounds like a rather poor justification for cheating.
She doesn’t seem to understand the impact of her actions. If she was really happy with you, surely she wouldn’t have been tempted.
It’s unlikely you’ll be able to to trust her again.
If you want to be with her and think she is worth a second chance, talk to her and ask her to be completely honest.
Maybe you need a break from each other while you both think things through.
My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It?, should help.
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