In every household there’s one person that usually takes on the bulk of the domestic duties at Christmas.
That includes gift shopping and wrapping, food planning and buying, cooking, tidying and washing up, hosting and organising visitors.
More often than not, these jobs fall to women. The mother figure of the household, who does domestic duties all year round.
Moonpig found in a recent study that 13% of men admit to spending no time at all on Christmas shopping. No marks then, for guessing these men probably don’t help in the kitchen either.
Maybe this year, the rest of us – who slump on the sofa waiting to be called for feeding time – should actually lift a finger to help.
But what to do? How do those doing all the work actually want you to help out?
Clarissa, a 31-year-old dating expert, has been responsible for Christmas since she was 19.
‘I did it that time as I wanted to take the workload off my mum, but it somehow got switched over into my annual job,’ she tells us. ‘I’m not sure how that happened, but it is nice to see her relax.’
Finding the chores ‘stressful’, she says: ‘There is nothing worse than spending hours cooking and people wolfing it down in minutes.’
Last year her sister-in-law offered to help, which was much appreciated.
Clarissa continues: ‘She was getting the gravy ready while I had a dozen other tasks on, plus she was preparing some of the vegetables for me.
‘It’s just when it’s one person it can feel daunting, but being able to delegate a couple of tasks to someone makes it a lot more achievable without all the stress.
‘The biggest way someone can show support is by simply asking.
‘It’s [disappointing] when everyone sits in front of the TV and nobody comes in and offers.
‘The second way they can help is by talking to you while you get everything ready. Sometimes it can be a bit lonely in the kitchen.
‘Admittedly, sometimes you’re a bit stressed to talk, but it is nice to have some company in there.
‘Another way someone can help is by maybe making a coffee or tea for you while you’re cooking – it’s nice to have a cuppa in between but you don’t really have time to make it.
‘But finally, it’s just taking on the little tasks they request if you offer to help. I’ll be honest, I’ve never directly asked for the help. I might do that this year.’
Clarissa’s brother has never offered to help beyond doing washing up – maybe this year will be different.
Laura, a 44-year-old mum and wife, currently has Covid – and still she’s doing the Christmas labour.
‘I love Christmas and have been running it for around 18 years now,’ she tells us.
‘Both my children and my husband have a sack with their name on it which is always full of presents.’
Each year the presents are ‘as much as surprise’ to her husband as they are to her kids.
She says: ‘I always thought if I wasn’t around, he’d pull it out the bag and make it amazing, but this year I have Covid and haven’t yet seen any genius Christmas magic.
‘I cook the dinner, create the footprints by the fireplace and organise grotto and ice skating trips.
‘As with most households, I think women generally run Christmas as they have seen their female relatives do it growing up.’
Her only ask to make things feel more manageable is a simple and easy one: more enthusiasm.
‘If I were to change anything, I’d want more enthusiasm and energy from my husband,’ she says.
It’s a small price to pay to have all the Christmas workload done for you.
Always the planner in the relationship, Rose, a 38-year-old birthing teacher, can relate to these woes.
She says: ‘I would like to see my husband more interested in buying gifts for our four-year-old daughter.
‘Perhaps also booking a special Christmas event for us to enjoy as a family.’
She says getting some help would allow her to feel like she’s ‘enjoying the process more rather than feel like I’m just ticking things off the list’.
‘I did the Christmas card list and left a few for my husband to write and post so he at least did that,’ she adds.
It shouldn’t be underestimated how not helping can affect the person doing most of the work.
Caroline Plumer, a psychotherapist, says it’s about taking some of the ’emotional strain’ off the person loaded with ‘practical strain’.
‘By doing this, we can help our loved ones feel seen, heard and appreciated,’ she explains.
‘Proactively asking what they need can show them we appreciate there is a lot to be done and we don’t expect it all to be down to them.
‘Even better than asking how you can help, try and work out for yourself what you can offer to take off their plate as the mental workload of deciding what needs doing and even delegating can feel like half the job before they’ve even started.’
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