The increase in anxiety disorders in children has been all too apparent over the last few years.
Such a massive change in society and the world has forced children to learn to adapt more than ever to changing situations. Our recent chat with young children about anxiety is proof of this.
School closures and cancelled exams have had a profound effect on young people and now, more than ever, it’s time to take a look at why, in the Western world in particular, we still focus on academic achievement rather than emotional intelligence.
From almost the moment children become school pupils, they are assessed on their academic development. Which, as we know, can lead to upset and anxious children, constantly needing reassurance. It’s hard to see our kids constantly comparing themselves to other kids in that way.
In many schools, they are organised into set groups based on what is perceived as ‘intelligence’, which can have a damning impact on self confidence and social issues caused by embarrassment and feelings of inferiority.
What if we were to value emotional intelligence above – or on equal footing with – academic accomplishment? What would that look like?
Children who show higher levels of emotional intelligence have been known to perform better under stressful situations and therefore can excel with confidence on their chosen path; they also develop far greater empathy for themselves and others around them.
Skills developed from emotional intelligence can help your child to manage conflict and develop deeper and more meaningful friendships that can be continued right into adulthood.
A study published in November 2021 by Education Policy Institute found that a child’s social and emotional skills at a young age and in primary school may predict lifelong success.
Children who were able to share, cooperate, and follow directions at a young age (or through targeted intervention) were more likely to obtain higher attainment standards.
Thus, emotional intelligence is widely believed to come hand in hand with academic progress; but with much less obvious pressure on the child.
Developing emotional intelligence in early childhood is likely to lead to far fewer experiences with depression and other mental illnesses into adulthood.
That sounds good to us – so how can we, as parents, guardians, and carers, help children with the development of emotional wellbeing?
Label your child’s emotions
Ask your child about their feelings and talk about yours.
Create a mood board for younger children with pictures of different moods such as happy, angry, worried.
Ask how they feel when they wake up and when they go to sleep.
Talk about improving mood and also help them with coping mechanisms to help ride through the emotion.
Show empathy
Empathy is one of our most powerful tools not only as a child but as an adult, too. Leading by example is such an important life lesson not just in the home to each other but to strangers too.
Discuss age-appropriate news stories to show how empathy could or should have been applied.
Model behaviour
As a parent, your own emotional intelligence and mental health is just as important. Practise what you preach; when your child sees you in a stressful situation or in conflict, this impacts them just as much.
Seeing a parent or carer unhealthily handle their own relationships and leads to the child developing the same coping mechanisms as their person of trust.
Develop problem-solving skills through play
Play-based learning is one of the most essential tools to developing emotional intelligence.
Far too often and far too early, we see children as young as three being forced to sit in an academic setting before they have touched on their emotional development. Let children run free with their imagination.
Go for a walk, look at the world around you, play dress up or hide and seek; you get involved too and see the world through their eyes – it really is quite fun.
Encourage creativity
Introduce music and allow children to choose their own playlist; encourage any kind of artistic interest that your child shows and enjoys.
Allowing your child to go out of their comfort zone and find ways to tackle interests without fearing failure, is important.
And we need that in schools too – academic and exam pressure, which starts from primary schools, instils fears and worries of falling behind and failing.
So many of us as adults understand the concept of emotional intelligence but we need to really stop and take a look at how focusing on this can really change our children’s lives for their future.
We are the ones who have the power to ensure our children’s lives are not just about grades, exams and making it to university but about kindness, emotional development and empathy.
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