I caught my partner straying four times – but I feel guilty for kicking him out

DEAR DEIDRE: I WANT to kick my partner out after I caught him messaging other women for the fourth time, but if I do, he’ll have nowhere to go.

I was stupid to give him so many chances, but I really thought he wanted to change. He kept telling me he was done “playing the field”.


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I’m 28, he’s 32 and we’ve been dating on and off since we left university seven years ago.

When we first got together, I considered myself really lucky. He was kind, caring and one of the hottest guys I’d ever met.

But a year in, I realised things weren’t as peachy as they seemed.

He started being really protective of his phone.

Then came the “late nights at work”. There was always a late meeting or a presentation to prepare for.

Then I got an anonymous message, suggesting I look through his phone.

There were four dating apps on there and another for people interested in dogging.

Reading a few of his chats, it sounded like he had not actually met anyone — they just sexted back and forth, and sent nude pictures.

When I confronted him the next morning, he begged me to give him one more chance.

He said he’d only done it because he was stressed at work and needed a “distraction”.

We’ve been through the same cycle four times now.

This morning, I spotted a notification saying he had new messages on a dating app.

I’ve had enough. I’ve realised that I’m no longer in love with him — I’m in love with the idea of him and what our relationship could be.

The issue is, he’ll be out on the streets.

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He doesn’t have any friends or family nearby that could put him up and he’d end up sleeping in his car.

Am I a bad person if I leave him without a roof?

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DEIDRE SAYS: The fact he has continued to message women behind your back shows he has little respect for you and no real intention of changing.

He needs help. My support pack Can’t Be Faithful? details where he can find this.

You can’t stay together because of guilt. It’s time for you to make it clear you’re done with being lied to.

Tell him you are over and he needs to move out but give him a decent notice period. You could give him six weeks to sort out accommodation.

Don’t feel bad. You both need to move on and it’s his responsibility to work out where he’s going to sleep.

Recommend that he contacts Shelter (shelter.org.uk), who will help him find temporary accommodation.

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