DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE confessed to two flings but my wife believes I’ve had just the one, so reckons I’m lying to her too.
I slept with her best friend before having an affair with a colleague. My wife’s pal found out and, in a fit of jealousy, told her.
When I said I’d also been seeing her friend, my wife didn’t believe me as her pal has denied it.
My wife is 48 and I’m 49. We’ve been married for 24 years and have three teenage daughters.
A couple of years ago we hit a rough patch. Our sex life dried up and we couldn’t stop arguing.
At my wits’ end, I asked her best friend, who is 47, for some advice over a drink in the pub.
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She’d always been friendly and was happily married herself. She comforted me, saying all couples go through ups and downs.
We had a few more drinks. The conversation flowed and it was nice to have someone so interested in my thoughts and feelings.
At the end of the night she gave me a hug goodbye — and before I knew it, we were kissing. We ended up going back to her place, as her husband was away on a work trip.
The affair went on for three months before I ended it. We both knew it was wrong.
Things were still tense at home and when a colleague started flirting, I couldn’t resist. We’d stay late at the office to have sex.
I didn’t realise my wife’s friend and my new fling knew each other and out of pure jealousy she told my wife I was playing away. I blurted out that it was all a bit rich, as I’d slept with her too.
My wife has kicked me out but the friend, who denies it all, still brags about their great friendship. I’m furious she’s so smug while my kids won’t even speak to me.
Now my wife is telling family and friends I’m a liar as well as a cheat.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Focusing your anger on this friend’s lies is to distract yourself from the reality you let your wife down.
You won’t be able to repair your relationship with your family until you take responsibility for your actions.
It was spiteful to reveal your affair with the best friend purely to get even.
To salvage your marriage, or simply have a relationship with your family, you need to start putting other people before your own needs.
You have a lot to work through and a counsellor can help. Contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883300) for more information.
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