DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been having a secret relationship with an older man who makes me feel safe sand secure.
I wish we could be open but he is my father’s best friend – and Dad would go mad.
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I’m 24 and he is 51. My dad is 52. I haven’t told anyone about our relationship except for my best friend and I know I can trust her with my life.
I’ve known my lover for my entire life. In fact, he is my dad’s friend from primary school and when I was little I always called him uncle.
Two years ago we had a big surprise birthday party for dad’s 50th and I got closer than ever to my “uncle” while organising the party.
I’d always loved him — he’s hilarious, ribs dad and is so generous, too.
He’d recently separated from his wife and one night while we compiled the party playlist we started dancing together to the music.
We both got caught up in the moment and started kissing in the middle of his kitchen.
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Without any hesitation we undressed each other and had sex on the worktops.
But our relationship is more than sex.
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We make each other so happy. I know I’ve fallen for him and he’s told me he loves me, but when I talk to him about where we are going, he bats the question away.
His stock answer of “It’s too complicated” frustrates me so much. I know my dad would find it hard initially to accept us but I think it would be worth it. I want to be together properly.
But now I’ve found out my dad’s friend is talking to other women. He says he doesn’t have to answer to me and that as we’re not together properly he can see who he wants.
It hurts so much to know that we can’t be open about how we feel and that he is talking to, and potentially seeing, other women.
DEIDRE SAYS: It is understandable that you are both nervous about your dad finding out.
You do need to talk to your dad’s friend and tell him that you need to know if he sees a future to your relationship.
Explain you feel it’s worth being honest with your father, but if he is still reluctant you may need to accept this relationship won’t develop further.
It will be hard but stop sleeping with this man otherwise you are simply allowing him to have his cake and eat it.
This man may well be meeting other women to distract himself from the fact he feels he can never be with you, but if that is the case then you really do need to face reality and move on.
I’m sending you my support pack Addictive Love to help you.
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