I feel like a wicked stepmother as my husband's ADHD son says he hates me

DEAR DEIDRE: I FEEL like a wicked stepmother. I thought I’d built up a good relationship with my husband’s son, but he told my husband he hates me.

I’m 45 and my husband’s 47. We’ve been married for four years. I have two grown up, independent children.


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My husband’s son is 12 and has ADHD. His behaviour is challenging and he has regular meltdowns. My husband is very good at handling his son. 

We have rules and structure in our home that work well. 

The boy is good at keeping to the rules – like putting dishes in the dishwasher and no phones at the table.

I admit I have raised my voice to him occasionally but have learned that it doesn’t help.

DEIDRE SAYS: It is very hard for your stepson to see his dad happily living with another woman. Even though he comes with his challenges, he is the child and you are the adult. Dig deep and try to find as much patience as you can. 

Your values are important to you but try to let your partner handle him. This will mean less conflict between you and your relations should heal.

Contact ADHD UK for advice (adhd.co.uk). My support pack on Stepfamily Problems will also help.

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