This week our attention moves to another relationship dilemma after our experts had their say on last week’s problem.
Today someone has written in who just wants a casual relationship since their marriage broke down two years ago.
The individual admits the whole experience of splitting up still feels raw but wants to meet someone – just without the commitment.
Will this person be able to meet someone who is willing to be a kind of ‘friend with benefits’ or are they being selfish? Read on and have your say.
The problem
Although my marriage fell apart two years ago, the whole experience still feels raw to me and I’m not interested in getting serious with a woman. I don’t miss all the aggro of being in a committed relationship – having to be home at a certain time; not being able to have a weekend away with my mates without getting grief – but I do really miss the sex.
My wife ended up having an affair with one of my best mates. She left me for him and as we live in the same area, I occasionally see them together, which I don’t like.
However, I don’t want to play some sort of tit-for-tat game and show her how happy I am with someone else. If I wanted a girlfriend, I could have one; getting girls isn’t the problem. It’s just that the women I meet seem to want to ‘fix’ me when they hear about my marriage breakdown and they don’t understand that all I want is a good time in bed and maybe a few casual drinks, but that’s all.
What I really want is a sex buddy, but I can’t seem to find one. Surely there are women around who feel as frustrated as me, who would be happy just to have an occasional hook up?
I’ve tried meeting women online but even the ones who pretend they only want sex, end up wanting something more. Or the ones who genuinely only want sex seem to have dozens of partners and I’m not into that either.
Am I looking in the wrong places?
What our experts say
Am I reading this right? You’re expecting some poor girl to save herself for you whenever you’re feeling horny, even though you’ll never take her out or treat her nicely apart from the occasional drink if she’s lucky?
I doubt such a girl exists, as those who only want sex tend not to limit themselves to just one lover. Those who seek a one-on-one relationship want more than just sex.
It sounds as though you had a poor attitude to marriage. Yet on the surface, you don’t seem to accept any blame for what happened, your only concern being why women don’t lust after you.
You’re coming across as the sort of guy to whom any sensible girl would give a very wide berth. But you know what? I suspect you actually do want a loving relationship. Deep down you know you’ve screwed up before and you’re afraid.
You need counselling to unravel what’s behind all this. Try your nearest branch of Relate or google therapists. As for where you ought to be looking – a deeper look at yourself and your attitude to women would be a start.
What do you think?
Leave your own advice in the comments section below and we will publish a selection of the best reader words of wisdom.
The experts
Laura Collins is a counsellor and columnist
Got a sex and dating dilemma?
To get expert advice, send your problem to [email protected]
Last week’s poll
Last week you voted on a question on what a woman should do about her boyfriend wanting to see her have sex with older men. Here are the results:
- She needs to put herself first and stop trying to please her boyfriend – 34%
- She needs to be honest with herself and ask why she allows it – 32%
- As long as she’s happy to have a relationship like this, no problem! – 32%
- None of the above, I’ll leave a comment below! – 2%
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