I thought stepmother's death would bring me closer to dad but he can't let go of her

DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN now she is dead, my stepmother is coming between me and my dad.

I am a 43-year-old woman. My parents divorced when I was little.

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When I was 14, my dad met the woman who later became his wife. They were together for 30 years, until she died suddenly last year, aged 60.

For the entire duration of their relationship, they were inseparable.

She occupied all his time and attention. She barely let him go to the toilet on his own.

This meant he had no time for me. He was weak and didn’t stand up to her.
She was loud and obnoxious and always knew better than anyone else.

If you had a funny story, hers would be funnier. If you were tired, she was exhausted.

The truth is I didn’t like her, and I was relieved when she died, although sad for Dad.

Since her death, Dad, who is 70, has been a mess. All he talks about is her, as if she’s still alive. I am sick and tired of hearing it.

She consumed his life for 30 years and now she’s doing it from beyond the grave.

How do I help him get over this unhealthy obsession?

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DEIDRE SAYS: You hoped you would become closer to your dad again after his wife’s death and the fact she is still his preoccupation must hurt.

Grieving takes time. He was devoted to her and is bereft at her loss.

It sounds like he would benefit from talking to a bereavement counsellor.

My support pack about grief explains the stages we go through when we lose someone, and has links to support organisations.

You might also benefit from talking to a counsellor. You clearly feel a lot of hurt and resentment towards your father.

My support pack about counselling tells you more.