Hiding behind a bloodied swinging carcass, I start up an actual chainsaw and wave it at a group of petrified tourists. Remembering my instructions – get close but don’t touch – I rev up my saw, cackle maniacally and chase my victims through to the next zone.
‘If they cry, you’ve done a great job,’ says a guy dressed like Michael Myers from Halloween in a plaid shirt and sack hood, sitting around a table in the green room with a scary clown, a bloodied surgeon and two unidentifiable zombies.
I’ve signed up to be a ‘zombie for a day’ at the London Tombs, part of the London Bridge Experience, which takes visitors through 2,000 years of the bridge’s gruesome history.
Jess is head zombie today and leads me through to the green room hidden behind a wall of dolls’ heads where children sing Ring A Ring O’ Roses on repeat.
She shows me to a wardrobe of horror clothing, from which I can choose anything from scary clown outfits, surgeon’s scrubs and horror jesters to an entire rail of plaid shirts – the ultimate zombie attire.
I opt for the scary doll look and don a pale blue babydoll dress à la The Shining twins. Jess suggests I spray myself with fake blood for added effect. After a make-up tutorial explaining how to create bloodied scars and hooded eyes, I apply a zombie-green base, blacken my eyes and draw an upside down cross in blood on my forehead.
The basic rule is to be as scary as you can – groaning, screaming and thumping the walls are all acceptable practices.
‘It can be physically demanding, especially on your voice. Try to dig deep and scream from the diaphragm rather than your throat,’ says Jess, demonstrating with a guttural scream.
For the first couple of scares, I feel self-conscious, and mastering my most terrifying shrieks takes a little time to feel natural.
The ‘zombie for a day’ experience includes lunch at the Bermondsey Bierkeller, a huge German beer hall above the tombs.
After lunch, it’s a quick costume change into a bloodied hospital gown before I enter the ‘doctor zone’ and lie on a gurney ready for my next scare.
I start groaning and hitting the bed with a giant pair of surgical pliers as my victims shuffle through the corridor.
Jumping up, I run at the terrified crowd and let out my most bloodthirsty scream. Waving my pliers into the face of a teenage boy, who whimpers with fear, I can’t help but feel it’s a job well done.
Gore blimey! What else you’ll find down there
The zombie experience is just the tip of the chilling iceberg at the London Bridge Experience and sister attraction the London Tombs (included in the admission price).
In a blood-spattered operating theatre, a crazed surgeon explains in gruesome detail how William Wallace was hung, drawn and quartered, and his decapitated head placed on a spike on London Bridge to warn off wannabe treasonists.
See buried bones in the chapel of Thomas Becket, or feel the heat of the Great Fire of London before ending up in Jack the Ripper’s local, where we’re given the option to leave or brave the murky depths of the Tombs themselves – a scare maze built on an actual plague pit.
Become a zombie for a day at London Tombs, from £99.99 for two.
Entry to the London Bridge Experience and London Tombs is from £26.95.
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