DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife is badgering me to have another baby even though I had a vasectomy eight years ago.

Our third child was born 11 years ago. We both agreed afterwards that we would have no more children. I’m 41 and my wife is 38. We have been together for 20 years. Our children are 15, 12 and 11.

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It’s enough of a financial challenge having three children and I don’t think we can afford another.

At the time I was happy to do my bit and have the snip. After all, she had been through three pregnancies and labours.

But now my wife is starting to become broody again. She keeps pestering me to have another baby. To be honest, this is the last thing I want. I was happy to have a vasectomy, but really don’t want to undergo a reversal.

And besides, I enjoy having more time to myself. I certainly don’t miss the crying or night-time feeds and nappy changes.

I really do not want to go back to those days although I admit I do miss having a baby around.

My wife often asks if I would leave her if she got pregnant through IVF and of course I said ‘no’ but in all honesty I think I would leave. That would be so selfish and one-sided. My wife says it isn’t fair because I just recently bought a new bike I’ve had my eye on — so I’ve got what I want.

As it is, our three children are at ages where they are transitioning into being teenagers or young adults.

I don’t know how to handle this problem any longer. I feel as though it is starting to drive a wedge between us.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Feeling broody is a very powerful drive, but even successful vasectomy reversals can’t be guaranteed to result in a pregnancy.

The success rate afterwards depends on various factors, including age and how long ago the procedure took place.

You need to talk to your wife again. Listen to what she says and try to see things from her point of view. Then it is your turn to explain how you feel.

I wonder though if your wife is trying to replicate her own childhood, or is perhaps worried about her biological clock, or feeling less needed now that your children are growing up?

My support pack on Vasectomy Reversal explains sources of help and other possible options.

You can also find support at Fertility Network UK (fertilitynetworkuk.org, 01424 732361).

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