DEAR DEIDRE: I’M having an affair with my girlfriend’s son and I’m terrified she’s going to find out.
She doesn’t know that I’m bisexual or that he is gay.
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I’m 44, my partner is 45 and her son is 21. We’ve been living together for a year after meeting online. We’re both divorced.
Our relationship is great and we have a healthy sex life.
I’ve always known I had an attraction to men as well as women but never acted on it.
As a result, I haven’t ever described myself as bisexual or told anyone I like men.
But when my partner’s son came home from university to visit, I realised how much I fancied him.
He is exactly my type – slim, blonde and muscular.
I started fantasising about him, imagining I was having sex with him while making love with my partner.
This made me feel guilty enough. I certainly didn’t expect anything to happen.
But a month ago, he moved in with us.
I began to notice him staring at me.
And he was very tactile – brushing my arm or knocking my leg under the table. It sent electric jolts through me.
He must have what they call a ‘gaydar’- the ability to tell when another man has gay feelings.
I was shocked at first and tried to avoid him.
But then, one day, my partner was out with friends, and we were alone in the house.
We had a few beers and got a bit tipsy. One thing led to another, and he ended up giving me oral sex.
Since then, we have had sex whenever we get an opportunity.
He says he’s fallen for me but that his mum can never know, and I agree. It would destroy her.
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I don’t know what to do. I don’t want the affair to end, but I also love my partner and feel guilty for cheating.
What should I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You must end this affair as soon as possible.
Not only are you cheating on your partner and potentially putting her health at risk – I do hope you’re using protection – but you are doing it with her son.
It’s the worst type of betrayal.
You are both adults, but you are the mature one and you need to take responsibility.
Tell him you cannot continue this and don’t put yourself in a position where it can happen again.
Think about how easily you’ve cheated and what this says about your relationship and your sexual identity.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
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Please get a sexual health check.
If you need to talk to someone, then my support pack on Bisexual Issues contains links to organisations that can help.
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