Kim Kardashian never fails to get people talking, and her latest outfit did exactly that.
The 41 year old covered herself in gaffer tape to attend a Balenciaga fashion show, proving that even though she's divorcing Kanye West and is no longer under his fashion influence, she can still dress just as outrageously.
Shortly after the photos of the instantly iconic lewk started doing the rounds, I was asked by my editor to recreate it.
I wasn't going to turn down the opportunity to dress up like Kim – her Juicy Couture tracksuits from the early 2000s are usually more my vibe, but just like Kim post-divorce, I was ready to reinvent myself.
A quick order of 10 rolls of hazard tape from Big Dug, and I was ready to go…
My day started with my dad telling me off for catching the train with wet hair. Not ‘wet look’ hair, wet from the shower as I didn’t have the energy to dry it.
“Nobody else goes out like that, it doesn't look great and you could catch a cold,” said Lee Stafford – sorry, Karl Copson. I’m sure Kim Kardashian doesn’t put up with this kind of disrespect when she pushes the boundaries of what is acceptable.
I left his negativity behind and arrived at the studio in London where I've spent many days interviewing celebrities at shoots for this very magazine. Today I was the star. And I did what all stars do… order (translation: politely ask) their colleagues to cover them so tightly in tape, I could no longer walk properly.
You should know some things about my bladder before we get any further into this experience.
If you ask any of my friends, they will confirm this legendary tale: I once didn’t wee for 24 hours at a music festival. That’s not me being Jay from The Inbetweeners; that really did happen.
On the other hand, I grew up dancing and I was late to every dance exam because just as the doors were about to open I’d have a sudden urge for a wee. If I know that I’m not going to get the chance to wee for a while, then my body instantly freaks out.
With all the commitment of a pregnant woman preparing for an Ultrasound, I abstained from water for a few hours beforehand, so by the time the taping started I was feeling quite parched.
It took about twenty minutes, and two people to wrap me up. During some moments, it could have been mistaken for a gynaecologist appointment with shouts of, "Open your legs wide! No, wider". There was absolutely no dignity to be found in the process.
I had all the grace of a robot that was breaking down as I began walking in the finished product. Outside. Like, in public. One positive is that we all noted how I squeaked much less than Kim.
I can't lie to you, I was kind of enjoying the vibe of the outfit, and then a friendly female passer by told me: "This is the best thing I've ever seen in my life."
Praise from strangers is not something that happens often in London, and so I did struggle to squeeze my head back through the door, when I finally returned to the sanctuary of the studio.
But all good things must come to an end, and soon I was being cut out of the ensemble.
"Oh, a bit clammy," said the photographer Lorna, as she cut open my outfit at the back. And just like that, I was firmly brought back down to earth.
I said goodbye to my life as a celebrity, at the same moment as my Pretty Little Thing black leggings – which needed to be cut open in order for me to escape – and that felt a little poetic.
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