US author, 51, confesses she ‘hates’ her husband of 16 years in new memoir about what marriage is REALLY like – as she compares him to ‘a pointy Lego brick underfoot’ and ‘a snoring heap of meat’ (but they’re not splitting up)
- Heather Havrilesky, 51, from North Carolina, has penned memoir about marriage
- Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage is released on Thursday
- Has been married to her husband Bill for 16 years and said she ‘hates’ him
- Author wrote that anyone who embarks on marriage is ‘a true masochist’
A mother-of-two has confessed she ‘hates her husband of 16 years’ in her new memoir about marriage – as she said anyone who embarks on a lifelong habitation is ‘a masochist.’
American journalist Heather Havrilesky, from North Carolina, has written a new book, Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage, which is released on Thursday.
The 51-year-old, who shares her 12-year-old and 15-year-old daughters with her husband Bill, likened him to ‘a pointy Lego brick underfoot’, ‘a smelly heap of laundry’ and a ‘snoring heap of meat.’
Speaking to The Times about her relationship with the academic, she called marriage ‘a funny thing’, adding: ‘It’s insane and completely deluded to set out to try to stay with the same person until you’re dead, and the madness of the venture creates comedy at every turn, because obviously we fail and disappoint ourselves all the time.’
American journalist Heather Havrilesky, from North Carolina, has confessed she ‘hates her husband of 16 years’ in her new memoir about marriage (pictured, Heather with her husband Bill)
Having grown up the child of divorced parents who ‘fought like cats and dogs’, Heather confessed she grew up ‘idealising’ marriage.
She said she had little reference towards happy relationships except those portrayed by ‘Disney princesses’.
She began working as a journalist, doling out acerbic advice online, first on The Rabbit Blog, then in the Ask Polly column, which started on The Awl
It migrated to New York magazine and can now be found on Substack.
The 51-year-old, who shares her 12-year-old and 15-year-old daughters with her husband Bill, likened him to ‘a pointy Lego brick underfoot, a smelly heap of laundry’ (pictured together)
She has also written three books, including a memoir of growing up in the ´70s; an anthology of advice columns; and a collection of essays.
She met her husband Bill after he emailed her to praise her writing and the two tied the knot in 2006.
The author said she was keen to write an honest memoir about what marriage entails, having wanted to ‘throw books about marriage across the room’ because they felt ‘false.’
Heather explained she felt there are many books about falling in love but less about making a relationship ‘work long haul.’
Meanwhile the author, who became well known writing an advice column for New York magazine, said marriage was ‘insane and completely deluded’
In the first chapter, she writes: ‘Every book about marriage is also a book about mortality, since the success of any marriage is defined not by happiness or good fortune but by death.’
‘The assignment, after all, is to stay together until you die. Once one spouse perishes, the marriage has succeeded. Death signals victory.’
Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage by Heather Havrilesky is published by Harper 360 on Thursday
However half-way through writing the book, the author confessed she feared she was making a ‘huge’ mistake.
She said she grew concerned about her husband and children’s reactions, and ‘struggled’ with ‘how much’ to reveal about her relationship.
But the author said her husband is ‘unbothered’ by her revelations and ‘doesn’t care’ what people think about him.
While writing, she even told her husband about one chapter in which she confesses to having a crush on another writer.
She said it took her ’10 years’ to accept who her husband is and realise she is unable to change him.
Calling marriage ‘a harrowing adventure’, the author explained how she was diagnosed with breast cancer and her husband had supported her through her treatment.
She said: ‘I hate it when people say their husband is their best friend but he is my best friend, my therapist and my mother in one.’
Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage by Heather Havrilesky is published by Harper 360 on Thursday
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