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My folks make the Mitchell family in EastEnders look like the Brady Bunch.
My mum drinks, my dad has affairs, and my siblings never stop asking for cash and favours.
My boyfriend says I’m the only normal one, but doesn’t know if he can stick around because he hates seeing me put upon.
I’m not ready to give up on my flesh and blood yet, but have to admit that he has a point.
My lot have got used to relying on me for everything. I’m the first person they ring if they are in a pickle. My dad once texted me to complain that he couldn’t find his house keys.
I was in Spain at the time and he knew it, yet thought I might be able to help. If I’d have said, “I’ll fly home to help you look” he would have said: “OK.” That’s what they’re like.
The problem is that my relatives are all very proud, private people. They don’t like to admit that they have faults.
They won’t talk to experts about their fractured lives. My mother won’t even speak to her GP about her drinking for fear of looking weak.
And no-one mentions my dad’s numerous other women (and even kids) as it’s all brushed under the carpet. My sister and brother would never dream of admitting they are broke and living fractured and chaotic lives because they have no judgment and trust all the wrong people.
More than once my boyfriend has announced that I need to choose between them and him. But how can I walk away when they’d fall apart without me?
JANE SAYS: Never forget that you’re entitled to your own life too.
Don’t allow yourself to be dragged down and overburdened, because everyone makes their own choices. It’s tragic that your mum has health problems, but if she won’t speak to her GP then what can you do? You’re not a trained professional.
Your father may well sleep around in reaction to your mother’s problems, but he makes his own choices.
As for your siblings, they need to take responsibility for their own actions.
If mistakes have been made with certain individuals and situations, then why are lessons never learned?
You’re clearly a good person. You’re trying to hold the family together, but you need to accept that you can’t really change anything and that this is your time now.
Get everyone together, explain that your mental health is now suffering. Suggest each of them faces up to what is going on, drops the pride and gets help, because you can’t carry on this way – it’s unsustainable.
As for your boyfriend, if you want to be with him, then make it happen.
But make it clear that you will always be in contact with your family because you love them. It’s wrong of him to make you choose.
- In the News
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