DEAR DEIDRE: MY mother told me on her deathbed that the man I believed to be my father was not my dad at all.
I’m a man of 58. Mum was 88 when she died. She was a single mum to me and my half-sister, now 54.
My sister’s dad was my stepdad, and he died two years ago. He was great and loved me like he loved my sister.
We were always told my dad was an American who came here on a holiday then went back home, and that Mum never saw him again.
I was never able to get more information out of her than that. But Mum was in a hospice at the end and we had long conversations.
She told me that the American guy was somebody she liked, but she never had a relationship with him – and my real dad is her cousin, my uncle, who is still alive and lives ten miles away.
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They felt their relationship was wrong so she told me they had vowed not to tell anyone.
How can I find out for sure?
DEIDRE SAYS: The only way to know for certain is to do a DNA test. But you’d need samples from you and from your uncle, and even then it wouldn’t be conclusive because your mother has passed away.
You may find your uncle uncooperative. He may not want to get involved at all, especially if he still feels their relationship was wrong.
If it was proven that you were related, what would be your ideal outcome? It may not turn out to be a joyous one.
Your stepfather was more of a dad than anyone. He’s loved and cared for you as a father should.
So no matter what, always remember that he loved you.
You would be wise to seek counselling before opening this can of worms.
My support pack, Counselling, will tell you where to find help.
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