DEAR DEIDRE: RECENTLY my best friend told me she is gay. We’ve always been close and now I can’t stop thinking about her.
The urge to be with her for real is so strong. But I’m married with two teenage daughters.
I feel like the only person who cares about me is her. We’re both 46.
My husband has depression so I’ve effectively brought up our girls on my own. He’s 45 and our daughters are 15 and 16.
Our 18-year marriage has been tough but I’ve always worked hard at resolving our differences and we’ve stayed together for the children.
But something shifted when my friend came out to me and now I’ve told my husband I can’t carry on like this.
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The last couple of evenings when I’ve been at hers I’ve had too much wine and poured my heart out.
Most recently, as I cried she gently stroked my hair and I had to fight the urge to kiss her. She is all I think about.
DEIDRE SAYS: Try not to get ahead of yourself.
Your children will be picking up on any tensions between you and your husband. I am sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out to help you navigate these issues with your daughters.
You were right to resist the urge to kiss your friend. For now, it is best to work out the future of your marriage before starting any new relationship.
Then, at least, you will know you gave it your best shot.
It would help you both to talk to someone impartial and outside your marriage.
Try tavistockrelationships.org for online counselling.
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