DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend has just confessed to having a sexual fetish, which might just be a deal-breaker for me.
We’ve been together for eight months. He’s 33 and I’m 28. We met online. I work as an estate agent and he’s a software engineer.
I thought we had a great future together until one night during foreplay.
Until that point we always had vanilla sex which has been fine by me, especially as my boyfriend is a considerate lover.
This time was different. He started kissing me and worked his way down my body and then put his tongue in my navel.
I have a thing about my belly button — I don’t touch it, I don’t want it touched, the thought of it makes me squirm.
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I tried to push his head away and then he asked whether he could rub himself against me there. I was horrified and said no.
The moment was gone.
I had a belly-button piercing years ago but took it out.
I couldn’t deal with changing bars, or cleaning it. I think having the piercing may have made me sensitive in that area.
The following morning he started quizzing me about my hang up and commented that other girlfriends hadn’t minded.
He asked why I had my piercing if I was so squeamish? After all the piercer had touched it, so why wasn’t he allowed?
He went on and on, commenting that many people have harmless belly-button fetishes. Then he started to show me images of belly-buttons on his phone.
Yes, he’s got a good point but the thought of it makes my skin crawl.
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DEIDRE SAYS: The urge to indulge in a fetish often goes back to something that happened to a person as a child.
Your boyfriend may not have had a lot of attention as a toddler but if he was tickled on the tummy or specifically dried there after bath time, it may have ignited deep-rooted feelings which aroused him – even at a young age.
Nobody should feel pressured to do something sexual that they’re not comfortable with.
If touching you in this area makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s a non-starter.
Instead, talk to him about finding a compromise.
Vanilla sex can get boring for even the most loving of couples.
Is there something else he’d like which you’d find more palatable?
My support pack 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will give you some ideas about spicing things up.
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