DEAR DEIDRE: MY dad calls me a lazy, work-shy failure – even though I’m his full-time carer.
He doesn’t appreciate what I do for him at all, and constantly nags me to get a proper job.
I’m 50 and he’s 78. We lost my mum a few years ago, and since then he has really declined.
He’s lonely and has severe arthritis, and I think he’s also beginning to get dementia.
Two years ago, I took voluntary redundancy to become his carer.
I do everything for him – the cooking, cleaning, gardening and shopping, as well as his personal care and admin.
I don’t get a minute for myself.
But he seems to think I should be out there looking for a job.
He believes care work is for women, not men.
When I tell him he won’t manage on his own, he says he will.
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I don’t need to work. I have lots of savings.
But being put down every day is really getting to me.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Being a full-time carer is very stressful, even without the added tension caused by your dad’s criticisms.
If you don’t want to get a job, then you must stand up to him.
Maybe he’s worried about the finances and you need to reassure him.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Tim keeps it in the family as he flirts with his step-daughter
I fear I’ll lose my job after boss caught me watching porn in my work van
Perhaps you could consider part-time work, which would give you some respite from each other.
For support, contact Carers UK (carersuk.org, 0808 808 7777) and see my support pack Help For Carers.
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