My husband didn't fall for honeytrap because he's having sex with a younger woman

DEAR DEIDRE: MY relief was short-lived when the honeytrap professional I hired told me that my husband wasn’t interested in her.

Then she told me the reason — he was waiting for his lover.


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I’m 38 and my husband’s 41. We have three children aged seven, five and three. We’ve been together for 12 years.

Our sex life has slowed. Raunchy romps can’t be a priority when you’re running after kids and juggling housework.

I didn’t think my husband was ever that bothered. But recently he’s been more distant and working longer hours.

We didn’t even spend Valentine’s Day together because he was still at the office.

I was a bit suspicious. But when I went through his internet search history there was nothing incriminating.

If anything I felt guilty. It’s my birthday soon and I saw he bought a Tiffany bracelet last week.

But my sister wasn’t convinced. She said if I had nothing to worry about I should set a honey trap to put my mind at rest.

I agreed — and it was the worst mistake of my life. We found a private investigator online. I agreed to let a gorgeous woman be bait.

He always go for Friday night drinks, so the plan was she would follow him after work and try to seduce him while he was at the pub.

She would record the conversation and a photographer nearby would take pictures. When I got the footage I was heartbroken.

Even though my husband turned down the honey trapper, the photos showed him embracing a young woman 30 minutes later.

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To make matters worse, I’m sure she’s wearing the bracelet I thought was for me.

I haven’t confronted him as I’m scared he’ll leave me for this other woman. How will I cope?

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DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t unknow what you have learned.

As hurtful as his infidelity is, you need to face up to the reality if your relationship is to have any chance of surviving.

I hear from many couples who manage to come back stronger after a partner has cheated.

The affair stops them in their tracks where they may have been taking each other for granted.

With courage they can address what was going wrong and what needs to change.

This devastating news doesn’t need to spell the end of your family unit.

As long as you are both willing to try and he can genuinely show you how sorry he is, you will be able to move forward.

Take that first daunting step of telling him what you know.

Tavistock Relationships provide quality counselling at reasonable cost (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975).

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