DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my lover promised a life in the country and lots of travel, I fell for him hook, line and sinker. But 16 years on I’m left in a tiny studio flat waiting for him to call.
I was a happily married woman of 34 when I took on a new job as a PA to a sales executive.
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He was 40, charming — but married with two sons. My husband was 38 and an accountant. He was lovely but predictable, boring even.
My boss loved the richer things in life — nice cars, holidays abroad and designer labels.
I’d only been working for him for four months when we went away to review a hotel for a sales conference and he made a pass at me.
I know it was wrong but being near him, kissing him and having sex with him was the one thing I needed to bring some thrill to an otherwise dull existence.
He told me I was beautiful and noticed when I wore a different perfume. My husband wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow if I walked in the room naked. I said I was joining a good friend for nights out, all the while meeting my lover whenever I could for sex.
He said he’d leave his wife when the moment was right. Only it seems that moment has never arrived.
But I couldn’t wait. After another boring weekend, I told my devastated husband I was leaving and rented a studio flat. My lover still joins me for sex and always leaves a little gift.
But now I’m nearly 50 and my ex tragically passed away a year ago.
I’ve realised that I’ve wasted so much time on a relationship which has given me zero, other than the dream of a different life.
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My lover is still my boss. We don’t have sex so much these days. He’s just come back from a cruise with his wife.
I’m fed up and feel I’ve wasted so much time and hurt a very kind man in the process.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve had a tough time, yes, and cheating on your husband was never going to be the answer.
Now you are on a rollercoaster of emotions, raking over remorse, guilt, feeling let down and used, but most of all you’re grieving for a man you once loved.
Talk through your feelings with a bereavement counsellor at Sue Ryder (sueryder.org, 0808 164 4572), which offers six weeks’ free counselling.
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