DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my ex-lover’s wife found out about our affair, she took her revenge by sending naughty photos of me to my neighbours.
She also told everyone that I was a common prostitute.
I’m 45 and feel like my life is ruined.
My husband, 47, is innocent, but his life has been ruined too, and I feel so guilty.
We’ve had a good, 20-year marriage, but things got a little stale and sex became boring.
So when a few months ago, a guy at work, 40, showed interest in me, I was deeply flattered and, I’m ashamed to say, weak.
We first slept together at a conference when I was drunk.
The affair lasted only weeks and I regretted it almost as soon as it began.
I don’t know why I sent him nude photos. He sent me some too, which I deleted immediately.
Looking back I think the affair was about me feeling desirable for the first time in years.
But then I started feeling dirty and guilty, so I ended it.
I told my lover that we should never mention it to anyone.
I don’t know for sure how his wife found out, she must have discovered our messages and the photos on his phone, which I had asked him to delete.
Somehow, she got my address and sent the pics to my husband and neighbours.
People point and stare at me in the street. They go inside when I go into my back garden.
If I could, I would move away from this street and whole area.
Of course, it’s not that simple. Our lives are here and we’d have to sell our house first.
I’m just thankful that our daughter, 20, has left home and doesn’t have to deal with this.
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My marriage is hanging by a thread, but I wouldn’t blame my husband if he left. He can barely look at me.
Please help me. I can’t stop crying.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You really don’t deserve this. You made a mistake and you are being unfairly punished for it.
Shame and guilt are powerful emotions, but I promise you can survive this horrible time and move forward.
People love to gossip. However, they’ll get bored and worry about someone else soon enough.
What your ex-lover’s wife has done is a crime, called revenge porn, and you can report her to the police. Find out more from Rights Of Women (rightsofwomen.org.uk).
As for your husband, he clearly loves you and he will be able to see how much you regret this.
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It is possible to be stronger together after an affair. My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It?, explains how.
Relationship counselling – alone and/or together – could also help. Contact tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).
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