My partner pays for a child he hasn't been allowed to see in 10 years

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner pays maintenance for a child he hasn’t seen for ten years and it breaks my heart.

He is 38 and a great stepdad to my daughter, who is six. He split from his wife six months after his son was born.


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He’s tried to maintain contact but his ex wouldn’t allow it. They had a very acrimonious divorce.

I’m 34 and we have been together for three years.

My partner wrote asking to see his son but got a reply saying his boy didn’t want to see him and not to make contact.

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He’s got a lawyer but if they have to go to court it comes with a huge price tag and we can’t afford it.

It’s ridiculous that he’s paying for his child without being able to see him.

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DEIDRE SAYS: This is very sad.

Children benefit from having both loving parents in their lives. Your partner’s son could well be missing out on a good male role model in his life.

He should certainly try to maintain contact via letters and birthday cards to his son.

Contact Families Need Fathers (fnf.org.uk, 0300 0300 363) to ask their advice on how best your partner can approach his ex again.

If he can talk her round, she may be willing to discuss access through National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk, 0300 4000 636).

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