DEAR DEIDRE: THE constant moaning of my wife was bad enough but now my teenage daughter has started to mimic her, I’m thinking about leaving them.
I feel so downtrodden and low.
I haven’t spoken to anyone because it sounds ridiculous that I can’t stand up to my own wife and daughter.
I’m 54, my wife is 48 and my daughter is 17.
We also have a son who is 13 but he’s great and is no problem at all.
I work long hours but still do a lot of jobs around the house and garden at the weekend.
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Whatever I do it’s not enough, or I’ve done it wrong.
Last weekend was awful, I spent the whole of Saturday sorting out the garden and fixing the fence so it looked nice for my wife’s relatives, who came over for a BBQ.
Then the whole evening I had to listen to my wife digging at me for the burnt meat and the bit of gutter hanging off.
I had run out of time because I’d been driving my daughter back and forth to appointments and planned to sort the guttering the next day.
Something broke in me though when my daughter scoffed at me for being the worst BBQ chef ever.
I got up from the table, walked inside the house and out the front door.
I wandered around for hours trying to calm down. When I returned home at 11pm my in-laws had gone home.
But my wife was waiting up. She had a go at me for being embarrassing and over the top.
When I told her I’d had enough of the constant criticism, she told me I needed to man up and learn to take a joke.
So it doesn’t seem I can get through to her. I’m at a loss.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife takes you for granted and hasn’t stopped to consider how this is seriously affecting you.
Let her know how low you feel and that you are thinking about leaving as a result. You deserve to be appreciated, not criticised at every turn.
Does your mum-in-law treat your father-in-law in a similar way?
My hunch is she probably does and now your own daughter is copying her mother’s behaviour.
It’s important to start asserting yourself.
The next time one of them puts you down, tell them straight away you don’t deserve it and you’re not accepting such damaging behaviour any more.
I’m sending you my support pack Standing Up For Yourself which will help you.
I would recommend going to couples counselling if your wife doesn’t start to appreciate how destructive her behaviour is.
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