“Relationship grief” might be the reason you’re struggling to get over your ex

Getting over a break-up can be challenging  and these could be the reasons why you’re struggling to get over your last relationship, according to therapist Lucille Shackleton.

The end of a relationship can often lead to the beginning of an entirely new experience – something that can be difficult to process.

From starting another chapter in your life without that person by your side to adjusting to how your day-to-day life changes without your partner, ending a relationship can truly be a transformative experience – and like many things, we go through different emotional stages as we process the loss of the life we built with that one special person.

From denial to heartbreak, acceptance and so much more, we often go through a range of emotions when dealing with relationship grief – and therapist Lucille Shackleton has acknowledged the different ways we can experience this and how it has an effect on our own wellbeing.

“We rarely talk about the grief that people experience when a relationship ends or changes form,” she said in an Instagram post.

“Relationship grief isn’t just about someone you love passing away, it’s about the grief that comes when you have to let go of an idea you had for your future. It’s when you have to grieve the future you wanted to share with someone or when you have to let go of the idea that your family will look a certain way.”

In the post, which gained over 18,000 likes, Shackleton breaks down the different types of relationship grief we may experience – starting with separating from a partner whom you imagined sharing your future with and letting go of the idea of how your future will look.

Relationship grief can also be experienced by those who are separating from a partner after having children, forcing you to let go of an idea of how your family will look while dealing with the challenges of embracing a new normal within your family dynamic.

Shackleton adds that relationship grief can look like processing that someone who was once your best friend and intimate partner has moved on and no longer shares that bond or connection with you, along with realising you can no longer depend on that person.

Lastly, the therapist adds that another stage of relationship grief is “feeling like a failure” because the relationship ended and didn’t turn out like you’d hoped it would.

“Grief is a natural part of relationships ending and changing form,” Shackleton writes in the post. “If you are grieving a relationship right now, try and practice lots of self-compassion and care. You will move through it and come out the other end. Just try and be kind and patient with yourself in the process.”

Many took to the comments to share their experiences with heartbreak and grieving relationships that had come to an end.

“I had the courage to finally leave a 30-year marriage that had died a long time ago,” commented one user. “I will always grieve the future that he and I worked so hard for and believed in at the beginning.”

Another said: “Needed this today. Grief is so raw and hard. You can be aware of all the ways to heal it/move on and still feel stuck with longing and sadness.”

There’s no clear-cut way to deal with heartbreak and mourning the loss of a relationship – but acknowledging the process of moving through your heartbreak is a good way to acknowledge your emotions while not letting them consume you – and hopefully, helping you to move on in the process. 

Image: Getty

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